The Chandlers

The Weight of Waiting

2011-12-11T09:54:00.002-06:00

Advent is one of my favorite seasons though it involves one of my least favorite activities: waiting. Though I'm not especially fond of waiting in a long line at the grocery store or waiting for a traffic light to turn green, this is another kind of waiting. This is waiting on the Lord.

I have dreams, plans, desires that I long to see come to fruition. These are good dreams--plans, I pray, that would give glory to God and stir the affections of the saints toward Him. I'm not alone in this. At the moment, I know of two families in particular who are waiting for some very good things. One waits to see if the Lord would be gracious in continuing to grow a precious child in her womb. Another waits to see if He will grant healing and restoration in their daughter's body. The one word in those sentences on which its content hangs is this: waits.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know the Lord could speak one word in the smallest moment and all would be restored--the little life would grow, the broken body would be healed, and my plans would materialize. He is able. But, as of this morning, He hasn't chosen to reveal His will in these matters yet. Both families (and myself) are waiting. This I do know: God has revealed His will for right now. His will for them and for me is to wait.

There is weight in waiting. It is a gravity that pulls us toward Him. Very few things offer relief or respite but the presence of God and the healing balm of His word.

This weight is a heaviness that presses us down, sometimes on our faces. Many times in my waiting the Lord has shown me that I desire the thing on which I wait more than I desire Him. The realization of my idolatry and the unrelenting kindness of God even in the midst of it leads me to confession and repentance.

This weight refuses to let us go about our day without it reminding us of its presence. In my experience with waiting, I find others' fulfillment of what I'm longing for highlighted. Rarely do I glance through a Twitter timeline without seeing even a hint of this. "Everyone" seems to be not waiting.

For those who wait on the Lord, though, it is not a weight leading to despair but instead a weight that invites us to know hope.

Remember my affliction and my wanderings,

the wormwood and the gall!

My soul continually remembers it

and is bowed down within me.

But this I call to mind,

and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,

"therefore I will hope in him."

The Lord is good to those who wait for him.

It is good that one should wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:19 - 26

By the inspiration of the Holy Spirit from the mouth of Simeon, a man well-acquainted with waiting, as he holds the infant Jesus...

Lord, now you are letting your servant depart in peace,

according to your word;

for my eyes have seen your salvation

that you have prepared in the presence of all peoples,

a light of revelation to the Gentiles,

and for glory to your people Israel.

Luke 2:29 - 32

This is the hope: the salvation of the Lord has come and will come again to make all things right. It has come in the form of Jesus. Because He has come, all things will be used for our good whether our waiting ends as we've hoped or not. In our waiting and in its end, we get Him.

Jump.

2011-06-06T10:04:00.002-05:00

Surrendering the safety of the deck chair, she cautiously approaches the pool's edge. His irresistible voice calls her to come closer. As the distance between them wanes, another more menacing voice whispers, "can you be so sure that He will catch, much less keep you?" For a moment, she entertains the thought of her feet leaving the ground beneath only to be met with water--no firm hands to grab her. Sweetly, a whisper interrupts the vision, "He is strong and He is good. He will not only catch you, He will keep you." The only courage she finds is when her eyes are locked on His. Though the doubts linger, they are drowned out by His beckoning. Her toes dangle. Her knees bend.

She jumps.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;

the Lord is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;

he will keep your life.

The Lord will keep

your going out and your coming in

from this time forth and forever more.

Psalm 121

Summer

2011-05-31T13:35:00.006-05:00

To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven...

A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3

Though we have yet to hit the summer solstice, our family has already enjoyed the season's sweet offerings: a blazing sun, a respite from routine responsibilities, and constant company with each other. Audrey, Reid and Norah are each at a place in life that I want to freeze-frame and soak up every twinkle of the eye and idiosyncratic remark, every giggle and guffaw. Aside from the monthly chemo week, Matt is in full-form: energized and engaged.

Part of me wonders:

Would the summer be so sweet if the winter weren't so bitter?

And, would the bitter winter be so bearable if the summer's promise weren't so sweet?

The Lord, in His providence and sustaining grace, is kind to mingle the two. In the cold of winter, we carry the warmth of the Son through Whom the promise is made to be with us "always, to the end of the age." And in the season of colorful communion, we carry the heavy reality that green will give way to gray, proving that we are not home yet.

For now, I will live in the season I feel swirling about me. I will drink it in, savor it as a foretaste of heaven: a blazing Son, a forever respite from a worn-out world and constant company, face-to-face with my Savior and the saints around the throne.

Know AND Believe

2011-04-27T14:39:00.003-05:00

I'm going through Kelly Minter's study, "No Other Gods" right now. Last summer, I picked up her Ruth study with a couple of friends. Loved it. This one has not disappointed. In one of the readings a few days ago, she led us to 1 John 4. I can't recall off the top of my head what she wanted us notice but what jumped off the page for me was in verse 16:

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us.

Know AND believe.

I don't believe John was being redundant here. Instead, I think he was making a point. But first, what is "the love God has for us?"

Back up to verse 14: the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. This love is seen and proven in the Father sending his Son into the world to save it...to bear the heaviness of sin on the cross, burst the bonds of death in His resurrection, and breathe the Spirit into us with His ascension (because if He stayed, the Helper wouldn't come...(John 16:7). In short, God's love = the gospel.

So we have come to know AND believe...the gospel.

Many of us know the gospel. We can recite John 3:16 with the best of them. We would adamantly reject the belief that the gospel is really us modifying our behavior to be accepted by God. But here's my question, do we BELIEVE the gospel?

For me, it's all too tempting to "know" the love God has for me and not believe it too. Instead, I live my life as if I still have to earn it...as if it wasn't freely given and shown on the cross. Sometimes I live my life as if He has to prove His love again because I'm not trusting He has my good in mind.

There is a daily need to remind myself to not just know but to also believe.

Lord, help my unbelief!

The House of Duplicity

2011-01-04T07:49:00.006-06:00

A good name is better than fine perfume,

and the day of death better than the day of birth.

It is better to go to a house of mourning

than to go to a house of feasting,

for death is the destiny of every man;

the living should take this to heart.

Ecclesiastes 7:1 - 2

A hospital. A medical center. A house of mourning. A house of feasting. I find it intriguing how one place can be experienced so differently by each of its visitors. Even then, how it can be experienced differently each visit for each visitor. One may walk through its doors in great expectation of new life or renewed life. Another day, that same one may walk through its doors with great sorrow and heaviness of heart knowing final moments and possibly final breaths may be shared. Scripture says it is better to be the latter. That's not to say the former is bad. It's just not as good.

The week prior to Christmas, I had the joy of helping welcome a sweet baby boy into our community. The waiting room was filled with predictions, hope, joy and excitement. A perfect, almost 9-pound early Christmas present was delivered in great health with the cry of new life.

Potential. Hope.

The week after Christmas, I received a call that my grandfather was losing his battle with cancer. Conversations were peppered with "hospice" and "comfortable." My mother and I sat on either side of his bed holding his hands and watched an old black & white movie with him in a rare moment of ease. I wondered if this would be one of the last times I would share the same air with him. I wondered what he was thinking as we watched the movie. I wondered if he wondered if this would be a last shared moment with my mother and me. My mind was less focused on the days between birth and death and more focused on the last day. The last moment. The last breath.

What would I be thinking? Where would my hope rest?

Today, we walk into the house of duplicity. I am grateful for the gravitational pull of that house. Each visit for a scan or a check up holds the possibility of either disposition. The potential of experiencing its mourning shakes my heart to its foundation. Am I founded on the hope of tomorrow or on Christ in me, the hope of glory?

Truly, it is better to go to the house of mourning.

My Chains Are Gone

2010-12-18T09:55:00.002-06:00

For the past couple of weeks, a war has waged in my heart: a war between the Spirit and my flesh (which has found an ally in the whispered lies of the enemy). I have lived between the tension of grace and shame. There have been moments that I have gratefully sought shelter in the shadow of the Cross and moments that I have tried to climb up on that Cross and blasphemously become my own messiah.

As I sat the other night listening to traditional hymns and carols sung in worship (as was their original intention), the words of the songs washed over me. One song in particular was Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone). As I sang the words, the enemy (and my heart) condemned me saying, you can't sing those words honestly...you still have some pretty heavy chains.

But then...

Grace spoke. The Holy Spirit shut the mouth of the enemy and my heart. He said, yes, your chains ARE gone. Jesus, God wrapped in flesh, Emmanuel, came and lived the life you should have but couldn't and died the death you should have but won't. And that's not all. He rose and intercedes for you even now.

"for whenever our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything." (1 John 3:20)

AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

He knows the filth I've thought. He knows the self-righteousness I've felt. And yet He does not condemn me!

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." (Romans 8:1 - 4)

My chains ARE gone!
I HAVE been set free!
My God MY Savior has ransomed me!
And like a flood, His MERCY reigns...
Unending love, amazing GRACE!

Sudan - Part Two

2010-12-08T10:30:00.008-06:00

While in Sudan, we had the privilege of working with Bishop Taban. He and his wife, Grace Ann, were a blessing to know. Their love for the Lord and for the people of Sudan and beyond was convicting. They have a vision for the fulfillment of the Great Commission. Through the network of their churches and ministries, they are empowering people all over Africa to spread the gospel by loving orphans, training pastors, educating the people, funding clinics, creating jobs...the list goes on and on.

Will you pray that the Lord would bless and increase their work there? Will you pray how you can help the people of Sudan? Here are a few ways you can help:

Aid Sudan - make a donation or buy a radio by which people may hear the gospel

His Voice for Sudan - help build an orphanage

Actions Speak Louder - purchase a great song and contribute to His Voice for Sudan

His Voice Global Silent Auction - attend this event which will feature a screening of the documentary The New Sudan

You might be wondering what Matt is wearing in the photo at the beginning of this post. While we were in Sudan, Matt was officially made a bishop. There was a ceremony and everything! It was a huge honor. We were humbled to be a part. Here are a few more photos of the ceremony:

Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T22:56:00.004-06:00

I hope to finish the series on Sudan I started well over a month ago! Until then, I just wanted to share some thoughts about Thanksgiving 2010.

Thanksgiving Day 2009 rocked our world when Matt suffered a seizure and soon after we discovered he had anaplastic oligodendroglioma (malignant brain tumor). As I laid my head down to sleep that night I couldn't have imagined what yesterday, a whole year later, would look like.

It was so...normal.

Not long after Matt was released from the hospital and rehab, I remember lying in bed wondering what the new "normal" would be. I longed for the old "normal."

Yesterday was beautifully, wonderfully normal. And, I thank God for that. I thank Him that I've known the new normal and the old normal. I thank Him that I can appreciate the sweetness of predictability because I have felt Him sustaining me in the unsettling of the unimaginable happening.

Thanksgiving Day 2010 may have been boringly predictable for you or frighteningly not. My prayer is that you would know the Rock who is unshaken. There is nowhere else for us to stand.

"On Christ the solid rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand."

George Clooney on Sudan

2010-10-12T13:49:00.001-05:00

I'll be back soon with more from our trip to Sudan but in the meantime I wanted to share this interview with you:

Sudan - Part One

2010-10-11T12:52:00.004-05:00

There is almost so much, I don't know where to start. Forgive me if I struggle to make sense. The beginning of a story seems the most natural place, so I will do just that.

Matt's first few rounds of the current chemotherapy protocol was tough. It laid him out for a couple of days. This reaction prompted him to cancel all but two previous engagements on his fall schedule. There were some huge opportunities and events that he had to unfortunately decline. This all happened in the spring. At the end of June, we found out there were some openings on a Village Church team trip to Sudan. With an historical referendum coming up in January, we knew this would be our best shot at visiting this country. We accepted the positions only three months away from the departure date.

There was a part of me that wasn't sure it would pan out for me. Maybe it was that subconscious piece that protects my heart from pain. I really wanted to go.

As the trip details starting to take shape, I realized I would be among three women who would be teaching a women's conference--a first for our sister church in Sudan. I would not consider myself a teacher. Honestly, I just don't know if I am or not. I've had very few opportunities to exercise that gift. I am much more comfortable singing or leading worship. However, even that comfort has come with a decade of using that gift. Either way, I was needing to prepare to teach biblical womanhood to a group of women with whom I had little in common culturally. I knew I could get by with sharing thoughts about biblical womanhood with women whose lives looked like mine but what on earth would I have to offer these women??

I felt the Lord saying to me (often through others) that He had prepared me in advance and would give me everything I would need. He delivered.

My friend Dawntoya Thomason and I (the third woman was unable to make the trip) taught 20 Sudanese women biblical womanhood 5 hours a day for 5 days. Teaching stretched and challenged me more than anything I'd ever experienced in such a short amount of time. I have never felt the Lord nearer. In the States, I can start off with time in the Word and quickly go on with my life, "leaving" Him at my dining room table. In Sudan, I had to depend on Him for every word, every breath, every step. I felt Him upholding me constantly. I am grateful for your prayers because I KNOW they were working something amazing! In our first session, two women came to faith. Praise the Lord!

Though we had to communicate via interpreter, the Lord communicated His truth to the hearts of our hearers. They were so grateful to receive instruction. It was life to them. Simple truths that we who've grown up in the church take for granted were treasured gems to these women. Knowing they were created in the image of God brought new meaning to their life. Knowing they were created for the glory of God brought greater purpose to their everyday. Knowing they were created for fellowship with God brought a profound peace.

I want to share with you a few of these faces. Will you pray that the Word taught to them will have found fertile soil in their hearts?

There's still much more to share. Stay tuned...

Sudan Sneak Peek

2010-10-08T16:38:00.005-05:00

I'll be posting thoughts and more pictures from Sudan but I wanted to just give you a peek for now. These sweet girls live in an orphanage close to where we stayed. They are precious.

300 Days.

2010-09-22T09:10:00.002-05:00

Exactly 300 days ago, life as we knew it was forever changed.

300 days ago, I wasn't sure how many more days I would have with my husband.

300 days ago, I wasn't sure of the quality of those remaining days.

300 days later, my healthy, whole husband and I are boarding a plane for the other side of the world.

300 days later, we are preparing our hearts to refresh the saints and shine the light of the gospel in Sudan.

300 days ago, God was good and did good.

300 days later, God is good and does good.

May He be forever praised!

Sudan

2010-09-15T14:28:00.004-05:00

A week from today, Matt and I will be heading out for 12 days of teaching, loving on and learning from the people of south Sudan. Our church, The Village Church, has become a partner in spreading the gospel in Sudan with a local church there. We will spend our time encouraging and refreshing the saints. Matt will be teaching the pastors theology and pastoral care. My dear friend Dawntoya and I will be teaching a women's conference on biblical womanhood and visiting a nearby orphanage.

On a more personal note, just before Matt's surgery in December last year, we received a humbling picture of the church in Sudan literally on their knees interceding on his behalf. If we can offer anything to these sweet brothers and sisters, it will not compare to what they have already given us! We are grateful and I can't wait to express my gratitude personally to them.

I share this news with you for two reasons: (1) that you would commit to pray for us before and during our trip (September 22 through October 3) and (2) if the Holy Spirit leads, that you would contribute financially to our team. There are ten of us making the trip. One of our team members is recording artist LeCrae. He has posted a link to make financial contributions through the web. If you feel led, please follow this link and scroll down to the bottom of the blog entry (which I highly recommend reading!) until you see "DONATE HERE". Remember that no matter what you are able to contribute (constant prayers to $1 to $1000), each "gift" will be equally accepted joyfully and gratefully.

Thank you in advance!

He is Able

2010-09-08T22:08:00.002-05:00

Grateful.

That word pretty much sums it up.

Thank you for your prayers and your words. We feel carried by the Holy Spirit through the prayers of the saints!

I am grateful to know there is no evidence of recurrent tumor in my husband's brain.

He, the Lord our God, is able!

The Superfluous Shoot

2010-09-08T08:44:00.002-05:00

The gardener's sharp-edged knife promotes the fruitfulness of the tree, by thinning the clusters, and by cutting off superfluous shoots. So is it, Christian, with that pruning which the Lord gives to thee. ~ C.H. Spurgeon

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch of mine that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit." John 15:1 - 2

As Matt's fourth (? I've lost count!) post-surgery MRI is only hours away, I've been hit with a curve-ball of anxiety. Until now, I've gone into each scan, appointment, or meeting with little fear. I'm not sure what's different this time aside from two things:

1. With the exception of the first MRI (in the ER after his seizure) and diagnosis, we've gotten nothing but good, hopeful news. I am so grateful for this and am asking and wanting to believe Matt's complete healing. However, it's as if there is a part of me that is waiting for the other shoe to drop. There's a little whisper saying, it really is too good to be true.

2. The Lord is wanting to expose the lie, however small, that I am believing. Let me tell you what the lie is NOT first.

The lie is not: God will not heal Matt. I believe the Lord can and will heal Matt but even if He doesn't heal him on earth, he will be perfectly healed in heaven.

The lie is this: God is not good and He does not want my good.

This is the lie that tripped up Eve in the garden. This is the lie that has plagued humankind ever since. This is the lie the Father exposed through His Son on the cross. "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay his life down for his friends." How can we not see through this lie? "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will he not also with Him graciously give us all things?"

So, the Lord reveals the lie that a small part of me still believes. He uses the anxiety to remind me to be rooted in Him and His truth: if He is for me, what can be against me? He prunes the branches. He gets rid of the "superfluous shoot."

Norah's First Birthday

2010-08-07T14:31:00.006-05:00

On May 29, 2010, Norah turned one! Hopefully, since her first year is behind us, I will be making more contributions to this blog. Thank you to all who've continued to read and comment despite my meager entries!

I wanted to share some snapshots from Norah's party. It was a garden theme thus we celebrated in my parents' garden. Three-digit temperatures had yet to smother us...how I am dreaming of those days!

My parents and Matt's parents, sisters and their families joined us for a sweet little celebration. Our roommate Stephanie made the cupcakes and smash cake. She is incredibly talented and enjoys baking (hint, hint...shameless plug).

Norah's name means "light/torch" or "honor." She has been a huge

bright spot in the past year. Her smile lights up our world and we are honored to s

hepherd her little heart to trust in the Savior Shepherd who loves her even more than we do.

Norah, you are a joy to love!

Memorials

2010-05-20T13:32:00.004-05:00

Have you ever anticipated an event, got there, experienced it, knew something monumental was stirring in you throughout it but were left with just a vague impression of all that had just transpired?

Maybe I'm the only one.

In my walk with Christ, there have been times when the Lord has whispered, savor this. In the moment, I can cognitively acknowledge its preciousness but my heart hasn't quite wrapped around it. I can tell myself, okay, one day, this is going to mean something beyond what it's meaning to me right now.

In the Old Testament, the Lord had His people, the Israelites, set up memorials to remind His people of all He had done for them. You'd think they'd just remember if it was such a big deal. But, not unlike myself, they got distracted by needs, wants and a deceitful heart that would lead them astray into trusting men instead of God. They forgot how perfectly the Lord delivered them from their enemies and provided for all the needs and wants. Since He knew them and knew that would happen, He was adamant about constructing a memorial as a physical, tangible evidence of His faithfulness.

Today, I glanced down at my phone and noticed the date: May 20, 2010. Ten years ago to the day, I was a part of an event that I knew would become a memorial in my heart but, at the time, hadn't quite had my heart wrap around it. I remember thinking it would be something monumental but had no idea how the Lord would flesh it out in me personally.

Ten years later, the Lord gave me a picture: a road, not so level in some places, winding, well-beaten with monuments marking every quarter mile or so. It was as if I heard Him say, that's the way you've come, that's the life you've lived, and the monuments are distinct evidences of My faithfulness to you...see what I've done? ...see how much I love you?

May 20, 2000 was one of those days He plucked from among many to show me His faithfulness. I couldn't grasp all that He was showing me that day, but looking back I can see it went beyond one day...beyond just me. It stands now in thousands of hearts among hundreds of other memorials to proclaim God's faithfulness. He was faithful then. He is faithful now. He will be faithful forever.

2010-04-26T13:36:00.004-05:00

The following is a blog post I wrote a couple of weeks ago for my friend Donna Stuart. She leads a ministry called Masterpiece. She is a dear friend. If you are a young woman, 18 - 25 years of age, I cannot commend her ministry enough to you! For more information, go here.

"Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities." Isaiah 53:11

"And he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, 'Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but your, be done.' And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground." Luke 22:41 - 43

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1 - 2

Have you ever felt the weight of your sin? Maybe you had secret thoughts in your heart, thoughts that never saw the light of day, thoughts that hadn't resulted in action (yet), that were suddenly found out? Have you felt the crushing heaviness? The shame? If you haven't, I pray you will. And if you have, take heart, it is God's sweet mercy.

As I read the verse in Isaiah, I couldn't help but picture Jesus in the garden praying, knowing and seeing (as Isaiah says) what was before Him. Yes, the act of crucifixion was excruciating, not to mention the beatings and betrayal he endured, but in addition to all of that, He took on our iniquities. He bore the weight, the heaviness, the shame of our sin. He became a curse for us (Galatians 3:13). Imagine feeling the gravity of your sin times every person you know. It is but a small fraction of what Jesus felt.

He knew what was before Him. He saw it. He saw my sin. He saw your sin. He felt the immense weight of it. And yet it says "for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross." And, that His soul would "see and be satisfied." How is that possible? It's possible because Jesus saw further than our sin. He saw what His enduring the cross would purchase: a people for Himself, called by His name, made for His glory, no longer seeking their own glory, captives set free, sinners made righteous.

Sin is real. It is heavy. It costs. On this side of heaven, it is going to happen. We will seek comfort and value in our idols instead of the one true God.

But...

There is Jesus. He is the Author: the cross and what it purchased is His idea, His story. He is the Perfecter: He will squeeze each idol out of our hearts, we are to but trust and obey Him.

What does it look like to trust and obey Him? First John 1:9 says "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Sister, do not let the heaviness of sin weigh you down to the point of defeat. If you are in Christ, there is no defeat. Confess your sins to Him. Find a sister in Christ whom you trust and confess to her. Dig into the Word. Flee temptation. Pray for the Holy Spirit to give you strength if even in fleeing you are met with temptation. Lastly, but importantly, thank Him. Praise Him for seeing the agony before Him and enduring it with joy and satisfaction.

Father, I thank You for giving Your perfect Son. Jesus, thank You for laying Your life down fully knowing what that would entail. Holy Spirit, help me to abide in You. Cleanse my deceitful heart, so prone to wander. Thank You for the body of believers in which You have set me to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. May You be glorified.

My First Vlog

2010-04-25T21:43:00.000-05:00

2010-03-09T12:07:00.002-06:00

"Like the rising sun that shines/from the darkness comes a Light/I hear Your voice and this is my/awakening..."

I can't help but imagine this scene when I hear those lyrics from the new Passion project::Awakening::

Lazarus.

Draped in graveclothes lying in the deep dark tomb.

A light pierces the pink veil of his eyelids.

He can't help but try to peek through the strips of linen to see what source could radiate such incandescence.

The grogginess of death's slumber begins to melt but still refuses to relinquish it's residue.

Until.

"Lazarus, come out."

At that point, there was no wondering.

No veil.

No residue.

No question.

His Lord had spoken.

Called.

Commanded.

This was Lazarus' awakening.

There are two awakenings. One that, Lord willing, happens on earth: when our souls are transferred from the domain of darkness into the kingdom of the beloved Son. This is the most important awakening. If there is not this first one, there is not a second...at least not a second that is unto Life.

The second awakening is glorious in a different way than the first is glorious. In this awakening, we follow in the footsteps of the Preeminent One, Jesus--He who has gone before us. Then, we will know as we are fully known. Our eyes will see Him.

In only a few hours, we will be celebrating a brother's second awakening. He is there. He knows as he is known. His eyes see Him.

His family mourns. His friends mourn. But we do not mourn as those who have no hope. We mourn with a groaning hope. Waiting for the second Awakening.

(for information on our friend and how you might be able to help his wife and two young children, go here )

(for information on the song, go here )

Thank you, Eric Gorski...

2010-01-31T15:18:00.002-06:00

...for writing a tender, accurate portrait of our family in this season of life.

I know I might have a few new readers linking from his article featured in various news outlets. Please know that you are welcome here. As you can imagine, our lives didn't just start three months ago. Feel free to browse our blog...to flesh out the picture drawn by Eric's words.

Thank you for stopping by.

~Lauren

Pray for Passion

2010-01-02T16:21:00.002-06:00

Thirteen years ago, a college student sat among many his age stunned by the answer to the question, "For whom did Christ die?" He would never be the same. (For the answer to that question, read John Piper's article or listen to his sermon . Note: I do not wish to enter into a theological debate so please refrain from sending comments that would stir up a discussion to that end. Thank you.) In that sermon, the Lord used His humble vessel, Pastor John, to lay a foundation for what was to come for the young man and his future wife and family. For, if the Lord had not so powerfully spoken through him--if Louie & Shelley Giglio hadn't invited him to speak--if the vision of Passion had not been cast, we wouldn't have had ground to stand on when we heard the words, "brain cancer."

Now, I know God could have used a myriad of mouthpieces but He sovereignly chose the Passion Conference in Austin, Texas in 1997. Two years later as a college Freshman, my heart was set aflame to say "Yes, Lord...whatever You have for me, my answer is Yes, Lord." At the time I had no idea I would be saying, Yes, Lord. I will walk the path of brain cancer with my husband for Your glory and my joy."

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your truth, we wait eagerly for You; Your name and renown are the desire of our souls." Isaiah 26:8

So, I ask you to pray. Pray that there will be another young man, another young woman whose view of God is much too small--whose foundation will not be enough on which to stand when their world falls apart--whose purpose in life is the eternally dismal "American dream" instead of the infinitely joyous joining with the saints for the advancement of the gospel to the ends of the earth. Pray they will be utterly ruined. For His glory and their joy.

For more information go here.

Snowy Promises

2009-12-29T08:38:00.004-06:00

The Lord has been gracious to use snow as a sweet reminder of His promises. When I was in college and in the midst of a spiritually tumultuous year, He sent a beautiful, quiet snow to remind me of His promise to "wash me and I will be whiter than snow." A few years ago an unexpected snow in an unexpected season (and fulfilled dream) of life reminded me that He can bring beauty to barrenness.

So, when Christmas Eve offered up a beautiful White Christmas I couldn't help but be giddy. I couldn't help but remember the promise of the manger, the promise of the Messiah, the promise of the Cross and the promise of the Resurrection.

The promise of the manger: the promise that we would have a high priest that would know what it's like to put on flesh.

The promise of the Messiah: the promise to be delivered from the slavery of sin.

The promise of the Cross: the promise to know suffering at its greatest extent and through that suffering absorbing wrath, imputing righteousness, atoning our sin and making all the Father's promises be a resounding YES.

The promise of the Resurrection: it's done--all our debt is paid in full--the pain and suffering will be but the pain of birthing new life.

"For all the promises of God find their yes in Him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory." 2 Cor. 1:20

The Lord, our fire in the hearth--His promises, our coat

2009-12-01T07:47:00.002-06:00

photo courtesy of this site

I had to share the following devotional that I read this morning. The Lord is so sweet to not leave Matt, our family and me alone in this. What a tender Father to warm my heart this morning with a precious flame:

Morning + Evening by C.H. Spurgeon--December 1, Morning:

"Thou hast made summer and winter."
--Psalm 74:17

My soul begin this wintry month with thy God. The cold snows and the piercing winds all remind thee that He keeps His covenant with day and night, and tend to assure thee that He will also keep that glorious covenant which He has made with thee in the person of Christ Jesus. He who is true to His Word in the revolutions of the seasons of this poor sin-polluted world, will not prove unfaithful in His dealings with His own well-beloved Son.

Winter in the soul is by no means a comfortable season, and if it be upon thee just now it will be very painful to thee: but there is this comfort, namely, that the Lord makes it. He sends the sharp blasts of adversity to nip the buds of expectation: He scattereth the hoarfrost like ashes over the once verdant meadows of our joy: He casteth forth His ice like morsels freezing the streams of our delight. He does it all, He is the great Winter King, and rules in the realms of frost, and therefore thou canst not murmur. Losses, crosses, heaviness, sickness, poverty, and a thousand other ills, are of the Lord's sending, and come to us with wise design. Frosts kill noxious insects, and put a bound to raging diseases; they break up the clods, and sweeten the soul. O that such good results would always follow our winters of affliction!

How we prize the fire just now! how pleasant is its cheerful glow! Let us in the same manner prize our Lord, who is the constant source of warmth and comfort in every time of trouble. Let us draw nigh to Him, and in Him find joy and peace in believing. Let us wrap ourselves in the warm garments of His promises, and go forth to labours which befit the season, for it were ill to be as the sluggard who will not plough by reason of the cold; for he shall beg in summer and have nothing.

2009-11-30T13:30:00.002-06:00

We had this picture taken well before our world was turned upside down by Matt's seizure + the news of a "mass" in his brain. I can't help but imagine the brilliant light as God's sure presence.

The Sunday before the "event," I opened my Bible intending to study a specific text in John. When the pages fell open, the title page of the book of Job stared me squarely in the face. I'm not normally one to play the magic eight ball game with the Bible but I'm also not one to believe in mere coincidence. The Lord--in His sure presence--was readying my heart. He was reminding me that nothing, absolutely nothing, can happen to Matt, the kids, other loved ones, or me without first passing through His hands. Satan had to ask permission to sift Job. The prince of this world is but a pawn in the Lord's plan.

This mass, tumor, whatever it is, is but an agent to bring Him greater glory and us greater joy.

Matt and I were both encouraged to read this Scripture from a brother in Christ:

For the righteous will never be moved;

he will be remembered forever.

He is not afraid of bad news;

his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.

His heart is steady;

he will not be afraid,

until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.

Psalm 112:6 - 8

Amen.

Irresistible Invitation

2009-10-24T13:48:00.003-05:00

Three weeks ago Matt preached perhaps one of my favorite sermons. The message was quite simple: pray. There was no guilt trip. No, it was an irresistible invitation.

Pray. For it is fellowship with God.

Pray. For it is a beckoning to join with God in accomplishing His eternal purposes.

Pray. For it truly changes things.

Pray. For it is a means of confession + fighting sin.

Pray. For it is an act of humility.

The last statement is what has lingered in my heart and mind. Too often I neglect prayer because, ever so subtly, I am convinced that I have enough control in a situation to effect a desirable outcome. In other words I'm saying, "It's alright, God. I got this one."

"It's alright, God. I can try to be a good wife and do all the good wifely things so that my husband and therefore You are pleased."

"It's alright, God. I can just try to have more patience with my children. Maybe I won't ruin them forever. Maybe if I read the right Bible stories, pray the right bedtime prayers and be a good, happy Mommy, they'll know you."

"It's alright, God. I can give good enough advice and the perfect Bible verse to a struggling saint so that she can struggle well."

And so on, and so on.

Now, I'm not saying that any of the above actions are bad. On the contrary, they are all good and wise things. However, it's where I am starting that is sinful. I'm not beginning with Him, His Son's work on the cross and the Spirit's power. I'm beginning with me--what I can do. To put it simply, I am prideful and presumptuous.

What a weight to bear. Too much, really. How silly to presume that I can carry all of that on my own.

So, instead of trying to "be good," I'm giving it up. Or, I guess, lifting it up. As a mother of three now, my prayer closet looks more like vacuuming or mowing or folding clothes than an actual closet. But it's happening. I'm praying because I want to know Him. I want to be a part of the advancing of His Kingdom. I want to see change--in me and in others. I want to fight sin. I want to humble myself before the Sovereign King.

Awakening

2009-09-15T22:55:00.003-05:00

It has been far too long that I have neglected this little blog (aside from photo updates). I feel my heart awakening. Nine months' gestation can send it into hibernation - like Mary, treasuring things up during the winter to share with others in the spring. Soon.

First Day of First Grade + Other Fun Things

2009-09-05T17:14:00.005-05:00

Audrey's first day of school

Audrey's oldest friend that's a boy (note: not boy friend) = Parker

Reid + his very best friend Cole

Parker again - such a cutie.

Parker's + Cole's little brother Ryder - don't you want to just eat him up??

Cole + Reid keeping track of downs.

Norah + Ryder

Racing towards a touchdown.

Spectators.

I'm worn out. So this is what you get.

2009-07-29T17:10:00.007-05:00

Norah at two weeks. Nine + a half weeks ago. Funny look on her face.

Reid and his buddy Truman at Family Camp.

At the Goat Cave. Quite a hike.

Audrey in a huge chair.

The Bleeckers in a huge chair.

Because Time is a Hot Commodity with Three Kids...

2009-06-18T10:37:00.003-05:00

This post will be short but filled with great pictures from Jamie. She specializes in newborn photography and is amazingly talented! Check out her website: www.jamierogersphotography.com.

Norah's Birth

2009-06-04T16:23:00.010-05:00

Because of the false alarm the previous week, I had requested to be induced early in the morning on Friday the 29th. This would insure that Matt would be present at Norah's birth. They admitted me at 6 a.m. and started Pitocin around 7:30. I knew it would be after noon before I would see my doctor so I settled in for a long morning. Thankfully, I was a 3 and 50% effaced and thus the nurse (sweet Melissa) said I could go ahead and have the epidural. It was honestly the most comfortable I had been in 3 months!

Melissa continued to check me every hour or so. I was progressing but slowly because my bag of waters was still intact. My nurse said if my water had been broken I probably would have already had her. Before the doctor arrived I maxed out at 6 cm and 60%. At 2:30/3:00 p.m. the doctor broke my water. At 3:30 they checked me...9.5 cm and completely effaced. I was to have the baby soon.

I could "feel" the pressure and knew it was close. The nurse checked me (this had to be around 3:50) and immediately said, "oh, we're having a baby!" She called in every available person and my doctor. They got one stirrup up but Norah wasn't having it. She literally delivered her head and shoulders by herself. The doctor was there, thankfully! I remember feeling her in my abdomen, feeling a contraction and then feeling her "disappear!" It was truly wild. Much to my delight there were no "repairs" to be done. This makes all the difference in recovery!

She weighed in at 7 lbs. 8 oz. (exactly what her Momma predicted) and measured 20 inches. She is beautiful, of course :) I'll let the pictures speak for themselves...

Early that morning

Waiting...epidural was working, if you can't tell :)

Getting ready

She's here!

Daughter & Daddy

Sweet story: Audrey was incredibly tender at this moment. She was literally overwhelmed with joy and awe to the point that she started laughing and crying. So precious...my heart swells every time I think about it! She later told Matt, "Daddy, I feel kinda funny. It's like I could laugh and cry at the same time!" *sniff* *sniff*

She's Here!!!

2009-06-01T17:38:00.001-05:00

Norah arrived Friday, May 29th at 3:51 p.m. weighing 7 lbs. 8 oz. and measuring 20 inches. Details and photos soon!

Norah Update

2009-05-24T09:36:00.004-05:00

Thursday night we had a false alarm. I'd been contracting most of the day. Once we went to bed, the contractions felt "crampier." I remember with Audrey that I had wanted to "experience" some of the more intense contractions before the epidural. Man, they got intense quickly! I was afraid I would get past the point of no return with this one so I nudged Matt around 10:30. My parents traded off Audrey & Reid duty and we headed to the hospital.

They hooked me up to all the wires and L&D paraphernalia:

the clothespin on my left middle finger that was supposed to monitor my heartrate and oxygen levels (but I swear they just wanted to squeeze my finger until the circulation was cut off)
the blood pressure cuff of doom that hugged the life out of my right arm every 30 - 45 minutes
the fetal heart monitor that had to stay in the exact right place or else
the monitor that measured the contractions that had the same parameters as the fetal heart monitor
not to mention the towel made of sandpaper laying beneath me that gave my bottom a facial

Normally, if true labor and birth were inevitably on the not-so-distant horizon, these wouldn't bother me. However, when I was checked upon arrival I had progressed very little from my doctor's appointment. I was barely over a 1 and still only 50% effaced. Ugh. As I lay there for the next two hours, I just knew they were going to send me home. This made all of the above monitors, etc. especially annoying.

The most comfortable position for me was my right side. Unfortunately, the wire attached to the clothespin on my left hand was too short. I had to wriggle my way (without disturbing the fetal heart monitor & contraction monitor) onto my right side while keeping my left hand towards the left side of the bed. It was a terrible game of L&D Twister. I eventually discovered I could put my left hand on my face and this provided a little bit of comfort.

I had finally settled into a somewhat comfortable position at around 1 am. I couldn't wait to fall asleep. And then, the cuff. The plastic bore a perfect impression around my right biceps. No rest for the weary. Meanwhile, Matt snoozed annoyingly well in the recliner.

The nurse came in an hour later to confirm my suspicions. I had made very little progress. After forcing a small dose of Ambien on me, she let me go, saying, "I'll probably see you this afternoon!"

Well, that was Thursday and it's Tuesday.

Honestly, it's been nice to have the break. Matt took the weekend off just in case. This has provided a sweet retreat for our family before the madness begins. Definitely a blessing in disguise.

I've included a picture below taken right before we left for the hospital. I pretty much look the same. (This one's especially for my sister-in-law Tiffany :) )

If nothing happens between now and then, I will be induced on Friday morning - a week before Matt is scheduled to be speaking in North Carolina at Advance '09.

Dress-Up

2009-05-13T18:23:00.002-05:00

Norah's Nursery

2009-05-09T12:16:00.003-05:00

A virtual tour of Norah's nursery. I'm still waiting for her quilt and bumpers to be finished. I'll write a special post for that. For now, here's what we've got:

You might notice the tissue pom-poms in the crib. Those will be going up shortly...hanging in the right corner and in the opposite corner not shown. The paint color I chose was Plaster Pink 2 from Laura Ashley home at Lowe's. I originally said I didn't want pink and brown. The bedding is mainly yellow with a wide range of pinks and a hint of brown. I found some beautiful drapes for a great deal and they were, of all colors, brown with light golden polka dots. So - pink & brown (& yellow & green) it would be!

This was the chandelier we replaced in our dining room. Size-wise, it fits better in the nursery. I just added some painted shades and trimmed them with the brown tassels.

My sweet Momma made this for Norah. You can't see it very well in this picture but the print in the upper-middle pane is Norman Rockwell's A Day in the Life of a Girl. Upon seeing Mom's piece of artwork, Audrey immediately asked if she could have a bear like this one.

Mom and I found this dresser at a consignment store in town (Furniture Buy Consignment). This piece was previously used in a model home. The knobs had been painted like baseballs for a baseball themed room. We just spray-painted them brown and voila :)

This nightstand went along with the dresser. We have yet to paint the knob!

Be looking for a special post on the nursery bedding. I have two friends who have started a baby bedding business and I can't wait to introduce them (and their work) to you!

Oh to Be on a Computer that Doesn't Require to Be Plugged In at All Times

2009-04-19T09:52:00.004-05:00

My poor little Mac is overwhelmed to the point that I rarely can post pictures on my blog because there's not enough space store them. Though I "dump" them to a safe place constantly, she still can't keep up. Her battery is kaput too.

The remedy? Hijacking my husband's computer while he preaches. Sneaky, sneaky.

Here are some pictures from his computer.

All dressed up for a date to celebrate my 29th birthday.

Reid can't smile normally for a picture. It's a curse.

Look at those teeth (or lack thereof)!

Corny...but sweet...shot. I was playing around with Matt's iPhoto editing tools. I like the picture itself :)

A Favor

2009-04-18T08:04:00.003-05:00

Would you do me a favor and read about some friends of ours in Ethiopia? And...pray for them? Thank you.

GO HERE:
The Smiths in Ethiopia

My First Linkathon

2009-03-17T08:40:00.002-05:00

Not much "-athon" about it but I had to share...

A pastor's wife's take on a Carrie Underwood song...funny.

The New Dora...no longer a-dora-ble

Enjoy!

Be No Longer Conformed like the Chameleon but Be Transformed Like the Butterfly

2009-03-12T06:50:00.002-05:00

Last week I had the privilege, once again, to lead worship with Donna Stuart and Kelly Needham at the All Women's Breakaway at Texas A&M University. Pure beauty, I must say. The ladies at TAMU can sing their hearts out! Unfortunately, I don't have any great pictures to leave with you but I do have this: Kelly Matte (whose husband, Gregg, was the former leader/teacher at Breakaway and is currently the pastor of FBC, Houston) shared a challenging word that has cemented itself on my heart. As the title of this post hints, she camped out in Romans 12:1 - 2, wonderfully articulating the difference between being conformed like a chameleon to the pattern of this world and the process of being transformed like a butterfly.

If you have a chance, hop over to iTunes and listen to Breakaway Ministries' podcast from March 3. It will not disappoint!

Two More Things Before I Sign Off...

2009-02-23T15:24:00.006-06:00

Meet my new niece, Alexa Jayne Walker...

And see me at 24 weeks, 4 days:

Man's Anger Does Not Produce the Righteousness that God Requires

2009-02-23T14:35:00.004-06:00

Man's anger does not produce the righteousness that God requires...man's anger does not produce the righteousness that God requires... (James 1:20)

These words ran through my mind as I kneeled thigh-deep in Audrey's toys, clothes and who-else-knows-what in her closet--the site of much tension in our home. Audrey does many things well. She can be loving and tender with Reid. She shares well. She's very helpful in random tasks at home (like running upstairs to grab some undies for Reid or pouring a bowl of cereal for him). She breezes through her reading assignments for school. She's thoughtful of others.

However, there is one particular area of struggle: keeping the floor of her room and closet free of clothes.

I found myself mumbling nonsense and breathing frustrations every time I'd walk into her room and see the mound of clothes at my feet. In my exasperation I was exasperating Audrey. I knew this was a faulty plan.

I recently picked up a book that I had previously failed to finish a few years ago: Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. Such good wisdom that spoke directly into my frustration and misguided objectives in parenting.

I want obedience from my children but for the wrong reasons. I want obedience so that I won't be humiliated, so that it will be comfortable for me, so that I won't be annoyed and just "because I said so." All of these reasons are a disservice to my children and due to a lack of understanding of my role as their mother.

Ugh. My insufficiency is evident everywhere.

As a parent, I am responsible for training their little hearts towards obeying God. Obeying Mommy & Daddy for them right now is obeying God. Obedience is bigger than my personal comfort. And, in my anger and frustration, I will never "produce the righteousness that God requires."

Lord, help me lovingly train Audrey, Reid and Norah to obey--for Your glory and their ultimate joy.

I could say so much more here but I'm going to leave it for another post. :)

The Past Few Weeks in Pictures

2009-02-17T22:24:00.005-06:00

Audrey turned six!!

Daddy & the birthday girl.

Audrey helping Kit pick out something from the American Girl Bistro.

Searching for the perfect American Girl doll (pictures are out of order...too tired to change them!)

Already shopping for our third--Norah.

The illustrated boy. See the tattoos on his chest and belly??

On Mothering Daughters

2009-02-02T15:31:00.003-06:00

Last night after I gave the kids a bath, I caught a glimpse of Audrey dancing in front of her mirror, her wet hair tossing to and fro as she bounced up and down. She was singing these words in no particular order, "oh yeah...Hollywood...uh-huh..."

She ran towards me with a silly grin once she noticed my watching her. I asked her, "What's Hollywood?" Audrey answered something along the lines of "that's where famous actors live." Those words carried much more weight for me than first glance would intimate. As a little girl that's where my heart drifted. Several years ago, I found a handwriting assignment from fourth or fifth grade. We were to write about where we thought we'd be in five, ten, fifteen and twenty years. At the time I read it to Matt and laughed. My aspirations were to be a famous actress married to a rich producer with a couple of kids. Looking back, I see it more clearly.

That handwriting assignment unveiled the root of a deep struggle within me--one that has worn on for decades now--the struggle to make much of me. You see, I read the magazines, saw the movies, imagined myself in music videos because that was what "arriving" looked like--that's what the epitome of life seemed to be.

But I know it's not. I know that it is so far from it.

I think of someone like Britney Spears. My heart broke for her as I watched her overcome with emotion on her autobiographical documentary saying, "I'm so sad." Here she was, the "epitome of life" having "arrived" at such a young age, and miserable. The more gut-wrenching moment was the end, I thought. She talked about making a comeback, coming into her own, etc.--the same old package of misery wrapped in new paper and ribbon.

As young women (and even older) we are sold a sorry bill of goods. Coupled with a naturally wandering heart, it is a recipe for disaster. I want to increase the chance that Audrey and soon-to-be Norah will not be fed the same kind of fare as I. I want to war for their hearts. It will be bloody. I know my mother warred for me the best she could and I'm still battle-scarred.

The Lord so sweetly placed some beautiful wisdom before me today concerning my heart's desire for my daughters. It came by way of the Girl Talk blog. The wisdom is for teenage girls but I believe it's never too early to mother with these in view (in prayer and in daily life).

Three great "deals" for teenage girls:

1. the fear of the Lord
2. mom's godly teaching (help me, Lord!)
3. homemaker training

Contrasted with the typical teenage priorities:

1. popularity
2. independence
3. selfish pleasures

I know Audrey is not me. Her struggles won't be exactly the same but I can't imagine a better "battle plan" than to instill a godly fear of the Lord, wisdom, and a love for the home in her (and Norah's) little hearts--far from the glitz, glam and potential misery of Hollywood and making much of them.

I will be fighting to sail upstream but I have the most persuasive, grace-filled Wind at my back. May His will be done.

I love you, Audrey (and Norah), and want what is best for you. I want Christ for you. I want making much of Him to be your dream-fulfilled.

Finally Home...Momentarily

2009-02-01T09:31:00.004-06:00

Last night was our first night back in our house. While I love the updates we've made, I am overwhelmed with the task at hand: putting everything back together! I will say that I'm glad for it. Overwhelmed, but glad. It has forced us into a head-start on spring cleaning. Lots of tossing trinkets in the trash. It feels so nice to simplify.

My incredibly gifted dad has built Reid his Big Boy Bed. Reid has been talking about it nonstop. We're moving it in today. I will have to post a picture of it just to brag about my dad!

All of these changes and updates have only birthed a greater desire in me to make more changes and more updates. What is up with that? I want everything to look how it should look right now. It is so hard to wait! I can't help but think how this mirrors my walk with the Lord. I want to see changes now. Sometimes, He's gracious in bringing almost instant change. Other times, He's gracious in bringing slow, progressive change. He particularly likes the "slow, progressive" path with me. A little growth here, a little change there. I endure the waiting so that "Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life (1 Timothy 1:16)."

Thank you for your patience, Lord.

Tomorrow Matt and I leave for Minneapolis. Please pray for Matt. He will be speaking to the pastors at Desiring God's Pastors Conference. Also pray that our Texan bodies can adjust to the frigid clime of Minneapolis. The high is 11 tomorrow! I can't fathom that...much less the low of -3! Seriously, the coldest I've ever been was skiing on a mountaintop in Colorado where the temperature was a balmy 20!

I will hopefully return with digital photography to download. Until then, enjoy your week!

p.s. Matt will be blogging daily (or almost daily) from the conference. You can catch it here.

Lots of Goings-On

2009-01-23T10:28:00.006-06:00

My absence from blog life has mainly to do with the chaos in real life. It all began with a stomach virus last Friday night. I was so relieved at the beginning of January that I had missed the bug that left almost everyone else reeling between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The relief was short lived. I was so thankful that my OB okayed Phenergan...truly a miracle drug. As a pastor's wife, the weekend is not the best time to get sick. Thankfully, Matt's and my parents live close so they picked up ALL the slack that my infirmity left. Matt was amazing. He worked out every kink, including filling my spot in serving communion Saturday night. Love you, babe.

While holed up in our bedroom for two days, Matt literally tore our house apart. For a fabulous reason, though. New floors!! Ever since we moved into our home we've "endured" the typical "whitish" carpet and 80's white tile (with dirt and grime ground into the grout since the '80's). White carpet + young children + sippy cups = dalmatian carpet.

Matt decided to do some of the demolition to cut part of the installation cost. The installer came on Monday to quote us and thought they'd be done by Wednesday or Thursday.

Well...a wavy concrete floor and a wife who didn't know the thermostats were supposed to be on and set to 78 and so, in her wisdom, turned the unit off to save money were some major setbacks. Today, Friday, the four of us are still camped out at my parents' house wearing the same two outfits for the past five days I(for all of you germaphobes...we have been washing them!).

There's a chance they'll lay the floors today or tomorrow. No guarantee though.

And even better news...

We're having a girl! We've selected a name but I'm not sure if I'll blog about it yet. I'll let you know before she's here though.

And...

I'm 20 weeks! Throughout this pregnancy I have literally been thankful for each day, knowing that none of them are promised. So, thank you, Lord, for twenty weeks. They have been glorious.

I will hopefully be able to post a belly pic (a clothed belly pic...I'm not judging others who choose to show their beautiful pregnant skin...I, personally, just can't do it :) ).

I'm on my parents' computer right now...I'll see if I can find a random picture to post. I have a hard time posting without some visual. Happy Friday, everyone!

Reid on the slip-n-slide at my parents' in 2007.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary...

2009-01-09T14:39:00.005-06:00

...how does your (winter) garden grow?

With cabbage and kale

Pink phlox in a pail

And pansies all in a row.

And here's Mary...

Resolutions, a Fun Resource for Moms and a Giveaway

2009-01-08T16:08:00.002-06:00

The moms at burbmom.net are talking about their New Years' resolutions. Not only do they want to inspire you to resolve to reach specific goals in 2009, they also want to give away free stuff. Yay :)

Here's a peek into my resolutions for 2009:

"Sodas are for the cinema." : Matt & I are "resolving" this one together...it's amazing how many calories are in a stinkin' soda. Because of this, we're saving the sodas as a special treat at the movies...and only at the movies. I have a feeling we're going to see a record amount of films this year :)

"Write it on my heart.": I used to kick proverbial butt in Scripture memory as a kid. I had all kinds of stickers by my name in Sunday school. Things started to change as I surpassed sixth grade. I could remember lyrics to all kinds of songs but couldn't get Scriptures to stick. Hmm. That is starting to change...beginning with Colossians 3:12 - 19.

"From cover to cover.": This will truly be the first year I commit to read through the Bible in a year. I have never done it. I'm trying to set myself up for success. Instead of buying the book, I've opted to bookmark this website so that when I open my iBook to check my email, bloglines, etc. it will be the first link my cursor clicks.

"Divide and organize." : In short, de-clutter my home. Divide the "keepers" from the trash. Organize the keepers in such a way that they're attractively accessible.

That's it! Don't forget to visit burbmom.net to enter their Giveaway. Good luck!

Christmas 2008

2009-01-05T09:53:00.003-06:00

in pictures... (only a few though...we decided on the video camera for Christmas morning and I don't have a wire to upload it to my computer :( )

Christmas Eve

Notice anything different in the next two photos? Hint: one was taken before Christmas and the other after.

Did you get it? Another hint: it's my Christmas present from Matt :)

To North Park, to North Park to Look at the Trains

2008-12-22T16:34:00.006-06:00

Well...almost. We took one look at the line for the trains and opted out. Maybe next year. And, maybe before the last few days until Christmas.

I have to be honest. After spending a day with the kids in the car on Sunday to see my grandmother two hours away, I wasn't looking forward to a ride down to North Park and a trek through the last minute shoppers with two small children. Alas, I woke up this morning to Audrey (in the other room) excitedly asking Reid if he was looking forward to seeing the trains, Santa and Scrooge. Though we didn't get to see the trains nor Santa, we did get to hang out with some great friends, play in the fountain, watch some ducks swim around in their indoor pool and listen to Scrooge single out Reid amongst the many to give him a hard time.

At the beginning...everyone's in a good mood. Yay :) What you can't see behind me is Luna de Noche. On our way out I grabbed some chips and salsa to go. Green salsa. So tasty.

Isn't he a cutie?

See Scrooge in the house?

See Reid standing there (in the orange & white striped shirt)? Scrooge called him out and had him stand up. He asked Reid all kinds of questions and gave him a hard time about everything. Audrey stood up to help Reid and Scrooge asked, "is that your wife??" Pretty funny even if Reid didn't quite get it. After all the heckling, Scrooge gave Reid an autographed picture of himself. It's sitting on Matt's desk.

Maury Hundley...

2008-12-20T09:21:00.003-06:00

...is the beautiful photographer who took our Christmas card pictures (one side of which is featured in the header above). Not only is she a talented photographer, she is also a loving, caring, godly mentor and friend. I have had the humbling privilege of sitting under her honest example for two years. I can remember being a college student in Abilene longing for someone like her to wrap her arms around me and walk with me through life, helping me see my insufficiency and Christ's ultimate sufficiency. I am blessed to finally walk in a relationship like that. Thank you, Maury.

Since I don't have everyone's addresses in blogland, I thought I'd send a virtual Christmas card to you all (including some of whom I actually do have your addresses but ran out of cards! So sorry!).

Merry Christmas!

(here are a few of the other pictures from "side B" of our card)

Do you know who my Daddy is??

2008-12-19T09:05:00.003-06:00

Cute story that I just had to share about Audrey. Let me preface it with this: we had no idea Audrey really "gets" who her Daddy is outside of him being her Daddy who works and preaches at our church.

Audrey is sitting in class. One of her classmates' dad is eating lunch with them. She and the dad casually strike up a conversation. Once Audrey becomes more comfortable chatting with him she says...

A: Do you know who Matt Chandler is?

Dad: Yes. In fact, we go to your church.

A (beaming proudly): He's my daddy.

Them Chandlers' Christmas Tour of Home(s)

2008-12-16T21:35:00.012-06:00

Okay. So. I wanted to upload my pictures for Boo Mama's Christmas Tour of Homes but that didn't happen. I didn't realize there was a DATE. I'm thinking maybe some dateS for the Tour...have you seen how huge the Tour actually is??? Like 800 people! Who could possibly tour 800 homes on only December 15, 2008? I could be totally wrong and that's just the START date. But whatever...here's Them Chandlers' Christmas Tour of Home(s). If anyone wants to join me, please do!

The dining room...pretty much like last year.

The entry...I heart poinsettias. They're cascading down the railing. They're blooming from the Christmas tree. They're pouring out from underneath the candelabra.

The mantle. I'm missing one large candle votive. I bought them from Hobby Lobby last year. One didn't make it to this year. And, of course, Hobby Lobby didn't have them this year :( I left them up there anyway!

The tree. It's pre-lit and the top portion went out...boo!

An ornament Reid made this year.

One of my new additions to the tree this year...Christmas-y cardinals in their nests.

The view from our couch...one of my favorite vistas.

My attempt to display our Christmas cards in an orderly, decorative fashion.

Thanks for coming! If you decide to do something similar, leave me a comment so I can stop by!

My Christmas Mix

2008-12-08T15:42:00.002-06:00

I made a little "Christmas Mix" for my friend, Maury. She and I share the same love for, as she calls them, "teary Christmas songs." So here's a sample:

Teary Christmas Playlist...
"A Baby Changes Everything" sung by Faith Hill (from her new Christmas album)
"Angel's Lullaby" by Christy Nockels from "Ring the Bells"
"God Is With Us" live version sung by Christy Nockels from "Gloria"
"O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" sung by C. Nockels from "Gloria"
"Follow That Star" by Cindy Morgan from "Gloria"
"Prepare a Place" sung by Michael W. Smith & Christine Dente from "Gloria"
"Welcome to Our World" by Chris Rice

Tip: the Gloria album is great but not easy to find with Christy's live version of "God is With Us". I found it online at Wal-Mart.com. Just click on the song above.

Photos and the Lack Thereof

2008-11-30T13:50:00.002-06:00

My poor little Bianca (pet name for my Mac) is about as full as I was Thursday night. Stuffed with too many photos, songs and other files, she refuses to accept another byte (I am SO clever). This is why my "blahg" is so blah (there I go again...on a roll, baby). I might try to steal an hour or so to update picture-wise on Matt's laptop. We've got some great pictures of Halloween that have already been circulating on Facebook thanks to my sister-in-law. Not one picture of Thanksgiving though. Darn.

Some noteworthy events in the Chandler home:

I am officially 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Yay :)
The Christmas tree is already up (and has been for a week).
Audrey is reading!
Reid is riding his bike.
I had a random dream about a well-known blogger (at least in my circles) and now I feel like I know her. So strange! Has this ever happened to anyone??
Our family had Thanksgiving dinner with 2,000 people from our church and the Denton area. Spectacular.
Depending on the BCS, coach's, and other polls, I might only have to endure the Sooners' fight song a few more times. Seriously, I'm over it.
I've just started reading Piper's This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence. You can download it for free here.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Thoughts on Thankfulness (and Unthankfulness)

2008-11-25T13:21:00.003-06:00

John Piper on why God would start with himself as king of Israel and then bring human kingship into Israel's history later through a spectacular sin (Israel's rebellious request for a human king):

"We should learn from this how stiff-necked and rebellious and unthankful we are...Each time they forgot God and went after other things. That is not just the story of Israel. It's the story of humanity. It's the story of my life and your life. Even as Christians, we are not steadfast in our affections for God. We have thankful days and unthankful days. And even our thankful days are not as thankful as they should be.

Just think of how joyful and thankful you would be if your heart responded to God himself and his ten thousand gifts with the admiration and gratitude of which he is worthy." (from Spectacular Sins)

As Thanksgiving is only two days away, I am especially struck by the truth of this text in my life. I am an unthankful person. Like Israel, I so often forget God and live as if He is an afterthought or bit-part in the story of my life. I forget how He's provided, rescued, saved, sustained and redeemed.

Lord, forgive me for so easily forgetting You. Help me to have a thankful heart always, not just at Thanksgiving. Thank you for Thanksgiving and other reminders of Your providence. Help me impart a spirit of thankfulness to Audrey, Reid, and, according to Your pleasing will, this baby growing inside me. Thank you for each day I carry this little miracle. Thank you for the grace, righteousness and perfect thankfulness imputed to me by Your Son. For that, I am forever thankful.

Guess who will be serenading me tonight??

2008-11-19T14:47:00.003-06:00

This guy and his ridiculously talented bandmates....

(photo from www.outloud.com)

Thank you!

2008-11-10T08:28:00.002-06:00

Thank you all for the kind words and prayers. We treasure each one! I am finally feeling well enough to look at my computer. For the past three weeks random things made me nauseous:

my computer
my blog
my inbox
my Facebook account
listening to music
driving
the smell of my car (it's not bad but I think I've finally nailed it down...it smells like a new bandaid...weird.)
the road to Audrey's school

Just thinking about the things listed above made me nauseous...still kind of do but not so bad that I refuse to do them :) I'm not sure if it's because this is the third baby but I have felt much more sick and tired this go around. Thank you for your patience. I will hopefully resume a regular blogging schedule. Until then...

2008-11-08T12:58:00.001-06:00

I'm a Sucker

2008-09-23T17:10:00.004-05:00

Scene: Two good friends chatting over a chai tea latte and a pumpkin spice latte.

pumpkin spice latte-drinker (PSLD): I ran into this lady a few months ago at Potbelly's. She was so sweet. She said she sells beauty products and thought I would be a great model to add to her portfolio.

chai tea latte-drinker (CTLD): Really? And you bought that?

PSLD: Yeah! She gave me her card with her number on it and then asked me for my number. I figured I'd give it to her because I would forget to call her and schedule my modeling debut appointment.

CTLD: Hmm. Yeah...I used to sell beauty products. That's pretty much the spiel they tell you to give a prospective client.

PSLD: Well, I figured that. But I thought, what's the harm? I can just get a free makeover and soft hands! And..I've already decided I am NOT going to buy ANYTHING. We really don't have the room in our budget. I'll just have to tell her, 'sorry, my toiletry articles envelope is empty.'

CTLD: Good luck with that.

(a few hours later as the latte-drinkers pick up their toddlers from Mother's Day Out)

CTLD: Well, how'd it go?

PSLD: I'm such a sucker. I bought five products, scheduled a meeting to earn free lip gloss and another meeting to which I have to bring three friends so that I can get a dang bag with fancy brushes in it. The things I do for free beauty products. And, she's my best friend now. Wow. Co-dependent, anyone??

CTLD: Of course. You're still my friend though.

p.s. the beauty products woman was SUPER sweet and I enjoyed her very much...she's really good at what she does!

The Mighty B!

2008-09-07T13:58:00.003-05:00

I just watched this show on Nickelodeon with my 5-year-old daughter. Hilarious! I'm not sure if Audrey caught all of the humor but it made me laugh out loud. I hadn't heard of it before so I looked it up on the all-knowing Wikipedia. I knew Bessie's voice sounded familiar...it is none other than Amy Poehler. Who knew?

Blogging From the Outside

2008-09-04T06:58:00.002-05:00

Thank you, Lord, for cool mornings! I am literally blogging from my back porch...birds twittering in the trees, soft blue skies untouched by the sun's full shining glory and a breeze teasing us with the possibility of fall. But that's all it is...a tease. I've lived in Texas my whole life and have learned never to trust Fall to come before Halloween. Even then, there are still a few mid-80-degree weather days left. Friday, November 4, 2005 was such a day. Reid was born that "Fall" day. I had every intention of bundling up my sweet new baby boy in a cute blue fleece ensemble. Didn't happen.

The purple clouds just lit up with pink! The sun is pressing up over the horizon.

I'm going to sit and watch now.

circa 1966

2008-09-02T15:59:00.002-05:00

When I showed this picture to my mom, she thought it was of her. So funny.

If Only I Had Something to Blog About...

2008-08-30T16:46:00.005-05:00

I can think of about four or five times the past couple of days that I've thought, "Aha! This will be great to blog about!" And, as the title of this post intimates, I have nothing. Nada. Zilch. So here are some nothings I can think of while sitting at my kitchen table with hair that must be washed, dried and styled by 6:30 (it's 4:50 p.m. right now and, if you know my hair personally, it takes some time):

1. Hmmm...that makes me think of this little known fact about me. I have had the same hair since I was 2 (with the exception of the processes put on it to make it still look like it did when I was two...capisce?). I had thick, jet black hair as a baby that kept growing and thickening and growing and thickening. It was quite ridiculous. By age 2, it turned blonde. Gradually. I had reverse roots. Blonde roots and black tips. Weird. By age 5, I wore a triangle. The hair on top of my head was close to my scalp while the rest of it pointed out diagonally as it approached my shoulders. At 10, I decided to grow my 80's bangs out. Thank goodness headbands were in. At age 14, after a few short do's, I FINALLY figured out that long looked best on me. And I kept it that way until college with a variation of highlights here and there. After my first semester of college, I cut my hair drastically. It was cute. Kind of stacked in the back. Blonde, of course. Matt and my dad liked it but my mom wasn't so sure. Now that I look back, I don't blame her. Long is best on me.

So how long can you have your hair long? Is there an age-appropriateness to hair? Anyone?

Whew. That was a long "nothing." I'm going to have to limit myself. It's 5:00. Less than an HOUR and a HALF. Cuttin' it close.

2. Reid is digging Elmo. I'm pretty sure he's seen it before but something magical must have happened. All he wants to watch is "Elmo's Wuhruhld." Thus, the earworm has begun: "La, la la la, la, la la la, Elmo's World." Is every Elmo song (minus the theme song) to the tune of "Jingle Bells"?

3. Audrey has a friend that lives behind us. They have a pool. Like everyone else in our neighborhood. Except us. Seriously. EVERYONE. It's Texas. Anyway, Audrey does her own lurking on them. She climbs up to the "clubhouse" part of our playset and spies on them. Poor thing. She looks longingly over the fence and says, "Hey, Ana...what are you doing?" when she can clearly see that Ana is swimming with a friend or her family. Audrey has no qualms about inviting herself over...whenever. Social etiquette is not her forte.

4. One more...5:07 p.m....5:08 p.m.....shoot....5:09 p.m.....get with it. Eh...forget it. I'm done. Happy Labor Day weekend everyone! Go shoot a dove!

Homeschool Day Part Deux

2008-08-25T15:34:00.002-05:00

We've enrolled Audrey in a classical Christian program that has her learning at school 2 days a week and at home 2 days a week. The teacher at school introduces new concepts and sends with the students an assignment sheet and work to be done at home. The first day at home, last Wednesday, was a challenge. It took us both some time to adjust. A few things that helped me today were:

1. Hot yoga (as Matt and I lovingly call it because of the purposefully warm room) at 9:45 a.m. The "intention" I focused on during the class was Galatians 5:22 - 23 and 2:20. Fruits of the spirit, dying to self and the life of Christ living in me. This really, really helped.

2. I abandoned my nazi-homeschool-teacher ways. I think I was expecting too much. The poor girl was begging to play outside every few minutes. I've lightened up and have taken more breaks between "subjects."

3. I did more positive reinforcement in the verbal form. It's amazing how much words of affirmation give her the confidence to keep trying!

Of course, as it is obvious from the list above, most of the problem had to do with me. Surprise, surprise. But, at least it's the easiest thing to fix!

Until next time...

L is for Lion!

Kindergarten

2008-08-19T16:45:00.008-05:00

Note: blogger is struggling to upload my pictures...so I'll try again later...here's what I have for now!

Today was the big day. Audrey is officially in Kindergarten. She did so well! Reid and I walked with her to her classroom. Because we're usually right on time (not a second too early nor a second too late...a compromise resulting from marriage...a refining process for me), she was the next to the last child in her seat. The few seats left were near the front. Aha! Being right on time proved to be fortuitous. Audrey needs to sit up front. Much like her father, she is easily distracted. Kisses were received and given. We said good-bye and I walked away watching Audrey open her supply box and take out her pencils.

*sniff* *sniff*

After surviving an enormous carpool line, I received Audrey into our car. She was ecstatic. Her first words were...

A: "Okay. My NOT favorite part of school was when the ants got me."

(She always knows my first question is: what was your favorite part?)

Later, after more coaxing and questions, she told me this after talking about a movie they watched about animals because recess was cancelled due to rain (got that?):

A: "They had polar bears there. One was named Icey."

me: "Really? That's a great name for a polar bear because they live where it's cold and icey. Was the polar bear on the video?"

A: "No. They had it in this cage. They asked the kids, 'is there anyone here who has never been to this school before who would like to name the polar bear?' and I raised my hand and said 'me, me!' and they said, 'okay,' and I told them to name the polar bear Icey."

me: "That's awesome."

Then, I thought to myself. Audrey has been telling a bunch of creative stories. For example, she showed a friend of ours a picture that I had drawn of Sponge Bob and his friends. She told this friend that she drew them. When asked if she really did, she said, "yes, at art class." 1. Audrey never drew the pictures. 2. Audrey does not go to art class. I thought about how to correct this and haven't concluded anything yet. Her dad made up stories all the time when he was young and now look how his historic storytelling has reflected the glory of God. Hmm.

me (continued after a very long pause and with earnest): "Audrey, did that really happen?"

A: "No!" (giggling) "I was just kidding! Can I have a friend come over and play?" (see previous post)

Oh my.

Matt's initial reaction to his baby girl going to school.

Silly Daddy.

Bobby Pins and Such

2008-08-18T17:41:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow I will have loads of blogworthy bits but since I'm confined to our living room couch thanks to a pesky bug, I'm compelled to blog about not-so-blogworthy bits.

As I was removing clothes from our washer and placing them in the dryer (sidenote: my mom taught me to shake out the clothes before putting them in the dryer to reduce wrinkles in the final product...does everyone do this?), I found a bobby pin sitting at the bottom of the wash basin. The thought hit me: I am obsessed with bobby pins. I wear them almost every day. They're great, really. I can use them to dress my hair up, dress it down, keep it out of my face for working out or try some creative hair assembly. Yay for bobby pins.

That got me thinking to other things with which I am obsessed:

Diet Dr. Pepper (used to be Dr. Pepper but I'm closer to 30 and can't just eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want)

Bloglines (thanks to Lindsey Brittain)

The Olympics

The Big K

2008-08-16T09:14:00.003-05:00

And I don't mean the super K-Mart.

Audrey will be entering Kindergarten this Tuesday. We had her orientation this past week and "meet the teacher" yesterday.

I just can't believe it.

Yes, I'm excited. She is going to have so much fun. She is the epitome of a people person. Even as a baby, she was never content sitting on the floor playing with a toy by herself. She wanted human interaction. Still today she begs for friends to come over or to invite herself over to our neighbor's house (they have a sweet 8-year-old daughter and a pool...heaven for Audrey). It doesn't matter if she just came from a birthday party with all of her friends. She wants non-stop interpersonal communication and relation.

Enter, Kindergarten.

For 2 days a week, she will have all the human interaction she can stand. And, she'll have a place to legitimately set up science experiments (if you've listened to my husband's recent sermons, you know what I'm talking about) and have more answers to her why's, how's, who's and what's.

I'll be posting pictures of her first day of school soon. I'm sure going to miss that girl on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The Hypocrite's Web

2008-08-08T08:39:00.002-05:00

I read this entry from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening Devotional. (I found it online here, if you're looking for something like this.)

"They weave the spider's web."
--Isaiah 59:5

See the spider's web, and behold in it a most suggestive picture of the hypocrite's religion. It is meant to catch his prey: the spider fattens himself on flies, and the Pharisee has his reward. Foolish persons are easily entrapped by the loud professions of pretenders, and even the more judicious cannot always escape. Philip baptized Simon Magus, whose guileful declaration of faith was so soon exploded by the stern rebuke of Peter. Custom, reputation, praise, advancement, and other flies, are the small game which hypocrites take in their nets. A spider's web is a marvel of skill: look at it and admire the cunning hunter's wiles. Is not a deceiver's religion equally wonderful? How does he make so barefaced a lie appear to be a truth? How can he make his tinsel answer so well the purpose of gold? A spider's web comes all from the creature's own bowels. The bee gathers her wax from flowers, the spider sucks no flowers, and yet she spins out her material to any length. Even so hypocrites find their trust and hope within themselves; their anchor was forged on their own anvil, and their cable twisted by their own hands. They lay their own foundation, and hew out the pillars of their own house, disdaining to be debtors to the sovereign grace of God. But a spider's web is very frail. It is curiously wrought, but not enduringly manufactured. It is no match for the servant's broom, or the traveller's staff. The hypocrite needs no battery of Armstrongs to blow his hope to pieces, a mere puff of wind will do it. Hypocritical cobwebs will soon come down when the besom of destruction begins its purifying work. Which reminds us of one more thought, viz., that such cobwebs are not to be endured in the Lord's house: He will see to it that they and those who spin them shall be destroyed for ever. O my soul, be thou resting on something better than a spider's web. Be the Lord Jesus thine eternal hiding-place.

Before I realized how much of a hypocrite I can be, I would have read this and thought of people like David Koresh or one of the many prosperity gospel proponents. But this morning, I was struck with how many cobwebs I have found in my own heart. Their construction have not been conscious and overt but rather inherent and subtle. Their presence can be summed up in Spurgeon's sentence: hypocrites find their trust and hope within themselves. Guilty. But, I am so glad I have a Father who will not let His house be filled with cobwebs. He faithfully and sovereignly appoints a servant's broom or traveller's staff to rid His people of such false hope and false worship. He has done so in me. And, I pray, He continues to do His purifying work in me. May Jesus and Jesus only be my eternal hiding-place.

New 'do

2008-08-06T14:02:00.004-05:00

...for my blog. LOVE my old header (a sweet friend made it for me and it is fabulous) but wanted a change for a bit. I'll probably whip out the old one when spring gets here. Thought this family pic looked more fall-ish. And I am grasping for fall right now. Though, I will say, this 89/90-degree weather is a welcome respite!

More autumn inspiration...

(the pictures are not mine...just found them online!)

Ahh...school books, new clothes, freshly sharpened pencils.

Fiery leaves! I only wish DFW looked like this!

Pumpkins! (Obviously.)

Thanksgiving...which brings me to...

...being thankful in whatever season I find myself in. Meteorologically speaking or spiritually speaking. Though we're in the "dog days of summer" physically, spiritually I feel as though Spring is peeking her sunny head out from behind Winter's drapes. I'm so glad she's come to join me.

All of my life,
In every season,
You are still God
And I have a reason to sing.

from Desert Song by B. Fraser

Nothing

2008-08-05T21:48:00.002-05:00

I don't have much about which to post. Just thought I'd say hi.

Hi.

After being on vacation for a while, I realized I like being home (sometimes) and on a schedule (sometimes). I like waking up in the morning and having a cup of coffee (or two). Does anyone else have coffee pretty much every morning? I like going to the gym and actually sweating because I worked hard. Making lunch. Reading books with the kids. Setting up an art project for Audrey to finish. Helping Audrey get her chores done (new thing at our house...we'll see how it goes!). Making dinner. Cleaning up after dinner (with the help of Audrey...she actually washed dishes with me!). Taking baths. Reading bedtime stories. Tucking in. Spending childless time with Matt.

Love it.

Okay. Bye for now.

22 days

2008-07-30T16:10:00.002-05:00

22 things that have happened in the past 22 days...

1. We experienced our first Disney cruise.

2. Saw Captain Jack Sparrow in person...well, kinda. It was a dude that was eerily good at impersonating him.

3. Watched fireworks from the 10th deck of the Disney Wonder.

4. Felt snow fall in the middle of July.

5. Relaxed on a hammock with a tropical drink in hand while watching the tide come in.

6. Felt myself tearing up when Mickey and Minnie Mouse came out on stage during the finale.

7. Disembarked with a bittersweet heart.

8. 6-hour road trip with two kids.

9. Saw (and spoke to) Laurie from Trading Spaces at a Publix.

10. Read Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges.

11. Asked for forgiveness for and repented of the respectable sins I have tolerated in my life. Whew. Fun times.

12. Built a sandcastle.

13. Drove an electric car.

14. Played hand and foot.

15. Got in a bathing suit every day for almost two weeks straight.

16. Got a tan.

17. Rode a prissy pink bicycle with a basket. (I felt so girly...it was great!)

18. Did 150 push-ups. Not one of them was a girl push-up...can you believe it?? I'm still in shock.

19. Held a sweet, newborn girl named Eden.

20. Audrey lost her first tooth!!

21. And then her second one, today, while eating a popsicle!

22. My husband started a blog! Finally.

Desert Song

2008-07-08T18:25:00.002-05:00

I had the pleasure of meeting Jill a few years ago at a friend's house. Listen to her story and listen to the song. Truly a sacrifice of praise.

Update

2008-07-08T09:06:00.004-05:00

We have had quite a summer. As the pictures in the previous post have illustrated, we've been to the lake, we've been to Colorado and, just recently, we were in New Braunfels visiting my brother and sister-in-law. Unfortunately, we forgot our camera on the last trip so I'm attempting to paint a few word pictures for you. Consider them captions.

Photo #1: Audrey sitting on the examination table at a clinic a mere hour after our arrival in New Braunfels. Diagnosis: middle ear infection.

Photo #2: My brother and sister-in-law's fabulously quaint cottage minutes from Gruene.

Photo #3: Dinner at Gruene River Grill. Doesn't the Trifecta look great? (Trifecta: salsa, guacamole and queso with whole-grain chips)

Photo #4: Yes, that's me going backwards down Wolf Pack. Audrey and Matt had the better seats..they got to face forward.

Photo #5: Reid loves riding with his Papi down Hanz' Hideout slides.

Photo #6: The ridiculously long line to PICK UP YOUR TUBE for Dragon's Revenge. Thankfully, it ended up being worth it.

Photo #7: Warning sign at Dragon's Revenge: Warning. This ride uses visual effects that may cause disorientation. (No slide is worth the wait unless you feel disoriented when you exit.)

Photo #8: Wipe-out. Everyone napping after a long day at Schlitterbahn.

Photo #9: Clear Springs. Can someone say Amen to Texas-sized onion rings??

Photo #10: A lazy Fourth of July. Brisket, pork tenderloin, roasted corn. Viewing fireworks from the bed of a truck, tuned into the local station. Listening to favorites such as "Proud to be an American", Ray Charles' "America the Beautiful" (a Sandlot moment), and Celine Dion's "God Bless America."

Photo #11: Hand and foot. A highly addictive card game usually played by one's grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles. I have officially been inducted into the madness. Call me old.

Photo #12: Loading up. Heading home.

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

2008-06-28T15:12:00.001-05:00

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb

A Texas Lake and An Idaho Spring

2008-06-24T09:45:00.006-05:00

The Texas Lake...

And the Idaho Spring (where they had some amazing mountain pies)...

Dancing Through the Decades

2008-06-12T14:29:00.006-05:00

I Haven't Dropped Off the Face of the Earth

2008-06-07T13:53:00.002-05:00

Still here. Just haven't been motivated to blog much. Been doing a bunch of swimming, eating and trying to keep my kids occupied! I will be posting some pictures of Audrey's first dance recital soon.

Covenants

2008-05-20T16:33:00.008-05:00

Covenants. Some are beautiful and promising like the gracious covenant God has made with His people through the atoning work of Christ on the cross. Or, like the hopeful binding of two souls becoming one in sickness and in health, forsaking all others. But some are devastating. Some rob us more than they serve us. The "I will never let that happen to me..." or "I will never be like that..." covenants are simply dangerous. They fetter us to our own pride and self-reliance. Who has successfully kept these covenants with themselves without deep-seated resentment or just plain exhaustion?

I haven't. And let me tell you, I have made covenants. In fact, I made one such covenant about a month ago just after my second miscarriage. To give you some history, a month after my first miscarriage (this past November) I entered into a spiritual numbness. The numbness eventually melted but only after coming to terms with the utter depravity in my heart: the fact that I wanted to rule my universe and everyone else's around me.

So my covenant looked something like this: I will not let myself enter into a spiritual coma this time.

I was determined to keep my spiritual senses alive and sharp. Though this desire seemed right and good, the Lord revealed its true root: pride. I could go on and describe in detail how He graciously answered my covenant but the Puritan John Newton does a much better job. Thank you to my sweet, dear friend who gifted me with these verses.

I Asked The Lord

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and every grace
Might more of His salvation know
And seek more earnestly His face

Twas He who taught me thus to pray
And He I trust has answered prayer
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair

I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by His love's constraining power
Subdue my sins and give me rest

Instead of this He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart
And let the angry powers of Hell
Assault my soul in every part

Yea more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Cast out my feelings, laid me low

Lord why is this, I trembling cried
Wilt Thou pursue thy worm to death?
"Tis in this way" The Lord replied
"I answer prayer for grace and faith"

"These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou mayest seek thy all in me,
That thou mayest seek thy all in me."

A Post By Paul Tripp

2008-05-16T08:49:00.004-05:00

I found this post on Paul Tripp's blog and couldn't figure out how to link directly to the post. So here it is. It really resonated with me this morning.

PSALM 27: A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE
"...that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and seek him in his holy temple." (v.4b)

Now, admit it, you love you and you have a wonderful plan for your life. Somehow someway we all are too focused on our own lives. All of us get captured by what we want, what we feel, and what we have determined we need. Everyone of us is a dreamer. We've all been given the amazing capacity to envision the future and to plan toward it. A dream is imagination, coupled with desire and projected into the future. There are things that you'd love to have as part of your life. There are things that you'd like to accomplish. There are locations you'd love to experience. There are relationships you'd like to enjoy. There are situations you'd like to avoid. Every day you get up and you work toward some kind of dream.

But dreamers don't just dream their dream, they also dream to be sovereign. In some way, at some time, all of us have wished that we'd enough control over our lives to guarantee that the things we've dreamed, we'd be able to experience. We'd like to control people and situations just enough to ensure that the "good things" we've dreamed would actually come true. What does the Bible call all of this? The Bible calls it worship.

You see, you and I are worshippers. This is one of the things the separates us from the rest of creation. As worshippers we're always living for something. Something is always laying claim to the affection and rulership of our hearts. There's always something that commands our dreams. There's something that we look to to give us identity, meaning and purpose, and that inner sense of well-being that everyone seeks. Now, Scripture says that there are only two choices (Romans 1:25). You're living in pursuit of the creation or the Creator. You're looking for your satisfaction and meaning in the physical created world, or you're finding it in the Lord.

What this means is that there's a war of dreams that rages in our hearts, and in the middle of the fog of this war it's so easy to get it wrong. It's so easy to think that because I have my theology in the right place, because I am biblically literate, and a functioning member of a good church, that my life is shaped by worship of the Lord. But, that may not be the case at all. On closer inspection, it may actually be the case that underneath all of those things is a life that's driven by personal success, or material things, or the respect of others, or power and control, etc. I am deeply persuaded that there's a whole lot of idolatrous Christianity out there. The most dangerous idols of all are those that fit well within the culture of external Christianity.

It's here that Psalm 27 is so helpful and convicting. What's David's dream for his life? What's his plan? Well, it sounds so spiritual as to be impractical, but it gets right to the heart of why we were created in the fist place. David says, in Old Testament language, "I want to spend my life in worship of the Lord. I want to dwell in his temple and gaze upon his beauty." The shekinah glory presence of the Lord filled the holy place of the temple, like a cloud. It was a physical picture of God dwelling with his people. David was saying, "I want to be where God is. I want to do what I was created to do."

No, David isn't some super-spiritual mystic. David gets it right. His quest is for a life that's shaped and directed by a daily worship of the Lord. David knows who he is: a creature created for worship. David knows who God is: the only "thing" in the universe that's truly worthy of worship. His dream is the best dream that you could ever dream. Far from being impractical, this dream, if lived out at street level, will bring purity and peace to your life.

What's your plan for you life? How close is your plan to the plan God had for you when he gave you life and breath? Is there, perhaps, something in your plan that competes for the place that only God should have?

May your plan for you be identical to his plan for you!

See? Wasn't that great??

Growing Hurts

2008-05-14T21:01:00.003-05:00

When I was a kid, I experienced some intense "growing pains" in my legs. I remember tossing and turning in bed trying to fall asleep wrestling with the pain. It hurt.

Things really haven't changed all that much. Growing still hurts.

And I still wrestle with it.

Last night, a sweet friend delivered a note to me that I believe was from the Lord. It said something to the effect of "be patient...I am growing your roots strong and deep." So strange to feel two seemingly conflicting emotions at one time: comfort of knowing the Lord knows and is in control but also a "soul sigh"...a things-are-going-to-sting-for-a-bit sigh.

He won't let me settle for shallow roots. He knows as soon as a stiff wind blows through the plain that I would be uprooted, lifted from the soil and taken away. He loves me more than that.

Just as I love my children more than that. I don't rejoice in the painful discipline that I enact upon them. However, I do rejoice in the fruit that painful discipline brings. Obedience leading to joy.

"My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives."

Hebrews 12:5 - 6

Father, You desire truth in the inmost parts. And, I must truthfully say that this discipline hurts. This growth isn't as joyful in the process. However, I trust You. I believe You are good and that You do good. I believe that You love me and therefore discipline me. You draw my roots further and further down, breaking hardened earth and pushing back dirt lacking proper nutrients. You beckon me deeper to rich, fertile soil that I may be an oak of righteousness, a planting for the display of Your splendor. Lord, sustain me in the growing, in the stretching, in the groaning. You are good and You do good.

Jesus Said Love

2008-05-06T08:03:00.002-05:00

www.jesussaidlove.com

Upload

2008-05-05T14:30:00.001-05:00

It's about time I got some pictures on here. They date back as far as Easter. Notice anything different?

Life Goes On

2008-04-29T13:40:00.003-05:00

"Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, Life goes on...oh...la, la, la, la, life goes on"

I can't help but sing that song from the early nineties t.v. series when I see the words "life goes on." The phrase is most definitely trite and overused but very much true. Until Christ shatters the heavens and steps physically back into our world again, life, as we know it, will go on. Winter will turn to spring, spring to summer, summer to fall, fall to winter. Families will rejoice with the birth of a new child. Mothers-to-be will mesmerizingly rub their swollen bellies as they feel the first few flutters of life within them. Children will learn to ride their bikes without training wheels. Lovers will enter into a lifelong covenant with each other, for better or worse. Fabulous food and heartfelt laughter will be shared around the dinner table. Homework will be demanded and discipline enacted. All around us, life goes on.

There is great joy and comfort in these things. Familiarity. Things going the way they should. Life following the expected course. There is nothing wrong with it. It is the experience of common grace. How gracious is the Father that He would let us enjoy such life?

And, how gracious is the Father that He would let us enjoy such loss?

That might offend some. I'm sure many will not agree. It is not by my own might or strength that I can utter such a phrase, but rather, His spirit within me. I cannot pick up the scriptures without facing God's mercy through His allowance of suffering. The apostles did not escape it. We, as those in the "last days", are guaranteed it. By His grace, it fosters within us steadfastness (James 1), genuineness of faith (1 Peter 1) and power (2 Corinthians 12). It also reminds us that there must be more than this (2 Corinthians 4 & 5).

Yes, there is mercy and grace in life going on...but there is also mercy and grace in life stopping for a bit. In a woman losing her 75-year-old husband after 49 years of marriage. In a woman losing her twentysomething husband after 3 years of marriage. In a woman losing her 2-and-a-half hour-old daughter. In my loss of my two unborn babies.

This has been a gift. A bittersweet reminder of true reality: this is not our home. We were not made for this. There must be more than this.

"For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life." 2 Corinthians 5:2 - 4

Overwhelmed

2008-04-22T15:45:00.002-05:00

Thank you for the incredible prayers, words of encouragement, Scripture and such. My heart is truly lifted and the Prince of Peace is guarding it so sweetly. I feel so loved by Him even in the pain. I have read every word you have written at least once. I find great comfort in knowing there are so many brothers and sisters praying for us.

I decided to buy a small scrapbook to document our journey with Elijah. I started it today while the kids were at MDO. There's something about being creative...whether that's drawing, painting, writing, singing, music...that helps me process all that's in my heart. I feel there is a song somewhere deep down. I'm doing my best to hold still while the Lord draws it out.

We would appreciate your continued covering of prayer over our family. Matt has a full schedule these next couple of weeks. Please pray for the Lord's nearness to each of us. Thank you. You are loved and appreciated.

A Letter to a Pregnant Friend (Among Many :) )

2008-04-21T08:51:00.004-05:00

**Warning: if you are hyper-sensitive, you may not want to read this. Just wanted to warn you.**

Hey girl...

Please do not let what I'm about to share discourage you from sharing your pregnancy with me. I am excited for you and somewhat invested (you'll see why) in this little wonder you are carrying. The grieving of our loss does not mean we cannot delight in your gain!

The past four and a half weeks have been tumultuous. On March 20th, I found out (a little earlier than expected) that we would be expecting our third child. Well, fourth really, because of the miscarriage I had in November. We were excited but cautiously so. The following week I had some bleeding. I thought for sure that I was miscarrying. I saw the doctor and she was concerned but said she would check my hormone levels to see if the pregnancy was still progressing. We saw a small sac on the ultrasound but the baby was too small to see.

I had my hormone levels checked and they were not doubling every 48 hours like they were supposed to. The doctor told me that I might still lose the baby. I had some spirit-filled women praying for me during that time (and probably still :) ). It was awesome to have peace guarding my heart and mind through it all. Since my bleeding had stopped, my doctor wanted to see me again. She did an ultrasound and saw that the sac had grown (baby was still too small to see) and the blood clot that had been hovering over baby had dramatically decreased in size. We were hopeful. They checked my levels one more time just to make sure.

I got a call from the doctor's office saying that my levels still hadn't doubled and that they did not considered this a viable pregnancy. I was heart broken. However, I still believed that the Lord could do whatever He wanted with this baby. I even had dreams about him...yes, him. The name Elijah settled in my heart for him. I had a dream of a single flame burning in my womb...however, I think the flame had two meanings. One, that this baby was fiery and two, that this journey would be a refining fire for me.

I went back for another ultrasound. As I stepped off the elevator, I glanced at a woman walking down the hall. Her shirt said, "expect miracles." I felt hopeful and peaceful. We saw and heard the heartbeat that day. Such a beautiful sight and sound!

A whole week went by and another ultrasound showing a growing baby with a strong heart beat. I was still told I wasn't out of the woods yet...that this was still a threatened pregnancy. Three days after the last sonogram, I started bleeding again. This time, I felt like, was it. I waited to call the doctor. Only after the urging of my friend did I call her. She saw me immediately. The ultrasound showed, yet again, a growing baby with even a stronger heart beat. I was hopeful and even joyful but still perplexed. Why was I bleeding?

The bleeding did not stop. I miscarried last Friday. Matt and I were able to pray over the little baby (barely over 1 cm) before we let it go. It was truly a healing time. There has been a text that resonates with me so much lately...

2 Samuel 12:22 - 23..."While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept, for I said, 'Who knows whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?' But now he is dead. Why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me."

It sounds sad, but it's so hopeful...to be reunited with our little Elijah...to know that David grieved as we grieve and hoped as we hope. Through all of this, the Lord has still shown Himself to be good and do good. He has been gracious to rescue this child from a life of pain and heartache to be with Him in glory. How merciful is our God?

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16 - 18

My due date was officially December 2nd...but the internet said November 29th. I was pulling for November 29th :) I would have been 8 weeks around today. I am praying that you have a completely uneventful and healthy pregnancy with a sweet baby to hold in December. I love you, sweet friend. I hope I haven't shared too much. Unfortunately, you asked me how I am and I'm not one to say "fine."

Love you,
Lauren

Memoir

2008-04-13T21:54:00.002-05:00

My friend Kristyn tagged me to write a six word memoir...here it is...

Wife

Mother

Sinner

Saint

Worshipper

Songbird

Now for the rules:

the instructions are to write your own six word memoir.
post it on your blog, including an illustration if you’d like.
link to the person that tagged you in your post and to the original post if possible so that it can be tracked as it travels across the blogosphere.
tag at least five more blogs with links.
leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play.

The lucky ones are:

Molly A, Dawntoya T, Holly J, Barkley L & Keri C

Broken Record or CD...whichever...

2008-04-03T21:54:00.003-05:00

Don't you hate it when you discover one of your favorite cd's (that you somehow forgot to download to iTunes) is scratched beyond repair? Not even a good flush in the toilet can fix it. The huge scratch just happens to rip through the best part of the best song? So instead of the beautiful crescendo of instruments and voice, you get a "whig-it, whig-it, whig-it" sound? Or just the beginning of a word over and over and over again? So frustrating.

You will have to endure something similar to the likes of that in this next paragraph.

The Lord has brought back, once again, once again, once again..oops, sorry about that...let me fix it...there we go...to a text in Scripture that I am clinging to right now.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

I am enduring something that seems as if it has the power to crush me. In weaker moments, I even feel a teetering towards despair. My heart feels not only struck down but about to be obliterated into a million pieces.

I want to resonate with 2 Corinthians 4:7 - 10 to the very depths of my core but am having a hard time. Maybe it's because the "treasure" I carry has not been my treasure. Perhaps I have set my hope, my expectations, my desires on something else...on a treasure that can't stand the weight of being afflicted, perplexed, persecuted or struck down.

Lord, help me to make You my treasure. Help me to carry in my body the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in me...so that though I endure something that should crush me, that should drive me to despair, that should leave me forsaken, that should destroy me, the redeeming power of Christ's risen life would rise within and sustain me. To the glory of your Name.

Change of Plans

2008-03-29T13:58:00.003-05:00

Unfortunately, our house has been stricken with illness and thus we were not able to join the fun-filled bus adventure and wedding. We were disappointed but I firmly believe the Lord had other plans for us. I will hopefully be able to expound more on this in the near future. The Chandler duo (Matt preaches and I'm "the wedding singer") missed out...but I look forward to seeing our friends' pictures of the wedding and hearing how it went. I'm not sure who is officiating or singing now but it will be fabulous either way. Most of the people we knew who were going could either sing beautifully or had the credentials to get the couple hitched. No problemo.

The bright side is that we have an entire weekend off with no plans. No preaching, no singing, no obligations (except for a fun birthday party this morning...happy birthday, Lily!!). Yay.

Enjoy your weekend, bloggies!

I'm Posting Because It's Almost Been 2 Weeks!

2008-03-24T21:15:00.002-05:00

Hello all. All ten of you. As the title of this post so succinctly puts it, I'm posting simply out of good blog-keeping. Again. So here's the deal:

Audrey and Reid go back to Mother's Day Out tomorrow. Yay - for them and for me. I think they grow tired of me. Doesn't hurt my feelings one bit.

I didn't get a single picture of my children in their Easter outfits. Oh, the humanity.

Reid is really into his new Transformer. Optimus Prime. "Autobots, let's roll!" "We must stomp out the Decepticons!"

Audrey (and Mom) have watched "Enchanted" a couple of times since purchasing it on a whim at Wal-Mart.

Matt and I are taking a road trip on a big bus with a bunch of friends for a wedding this weekend. (Wow. How many prepositions in that sentence?? Too many, I tell ya.) It should be fun. Is 24 hours a long time on a bus?

(not a picture of the actual bus)

I'll hopefully come home with some pictures...or a sore tail. :)

On April 1, I will have the privilege of leading worship with my friend Donna at Breakaway again. Always good to worship through song with the girls in College Station. Whoop!

Happy Monday, everybody.

S to the N to the O.

2008-03-11T15:33:00.005-05:00

Snow.

A week ago, it snowed. Today it's 65 degrees. Ah, Texas :)

We played in the snow with the Losers. Audrey and the Loser boys (including Dad, Mark) loved the snow. Reid wasn't so much of a fan. He and Matt (who was recovering from the flu) had a blast huddled up in the warm car.

Audrey & Parker

Audrey, Mark, Smokey the Snowman, Parker & Cole

Getting ready to pounce on Smokey.

How to take down a snowman.

A road near our house - crazy, huh?

Audrey

Matt and Reid: "I am outta here."

Mark giving Audrey a good push down the hill.

Audrey and Parker making snow angels.

Too Good to Pass Up

2008-03-05T21:42:00.002-06:00

I just read this.

For anyone in Women's Ministry at a church, it is a must-read. For everyone else, it is a must-read. Yep...I meant to repeat myself.

Tagged

2008-03-03T15:23:00.002-06:00

So, my friends Elizabeth and Natalie have tagged me to let you know a little bit more about myself. So here it goes....

10 years ago:

I was a day shy of turning 18!! Wow, it doesn't feel like it's been 10 years...until I see the little creases on my face...and the girl at Snuffer's doesn't ask me for my ID :( I was also 7 months into dating Matt at the time.

Things on my to-do list today:

Hell class...I mean, Barbell Strength class, lunch, grocery shopping, other household chores, dinner, co-op homeschooling informational meeting, crash.

What would I do if I were suddenly made a billionaire:

I don't think my mind can quite grasp a billion dollars...I would give a BUNCH to the church, I would by my in-laws a beautiful house with a great yard, I would give money to my parents so they could go ahead and retire, I'd buy lots of gifts for my family and friends, put hardwood floors in, travel, mainly give it away....it's hard to think what I would do...I love the verse in Proverbs that says "give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say,'Who is the LORD?'or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God."

Three of my bad habits:

Forgetting to get something at the store that Matt specifically asked for (I'm horrible at this!), drinking Dr. Pepper, candy.

Five jobs I have had:

(This is what's so sad...I'm racking my brain to think of 5 jobs!)
1. Waitress at Texas Roadhouse.
2. Data entry for my dad's accounting office.
3. Lifeguard.
4. Booking agent/manager.
5. Data entry for a company that owned quick stops.

Five things people don't know about me:

1. I was a majorette in middle school.
2. I hate brussels sprouts.
3. I played Varsity soccer in high school.
4. I had a cat named Snowflake but we called her Snow.
5. I have six toes on one foot. Just kidding.

I don't have anyone else to tag because I waited so long to post this.

It's a Beautiful Day

2008-03-01T17:43:00.005-06:00

I know it might be a bit weird to have a self-portrait on here (since I'm not really a "photographer"), but this photo is particularly significant. I struggle with seeing myself as a chosen, loved child of God. He gave me a mental picture of how He sees me; it is very similar to the picture above...golden and carefree.

You might be wondering where Matt is. Poor thing. He has the flu! Please pray for him!

Day 4

2008-02-29T17:05:00.008-06:00

If only I could repeat the beginning of Day 4 for every day of my life...

we had in-room massages. Aaaaahhhhh....

For lunch, we trekked back down to Pike Place and snacked on mac-n-cheese from Beecher's Handmade Cheese. So good. Did you know that those big cylinders of cheese are called truckles? Who knew?

So...did any of you take a guess at the little bit of trivia I offered up two posts ago? (What celebrity dined at The Athenian Inn while making a film?) It's not like the hint was super-obvious. ha. Yep...Mr. Tom Hanks. We got a picture of Matt and Michael sitting where Tom and Rob Reiner sat. Fun times.

Of course, we also stopped by the "original" Starbucks. Have y'all tried "fresh press" coffee? Try it if you haven't. Delicious.

Matt decided to stay in the hotel room to work on his talk for Resurgence...which was, by the way, amazing. I'm so proud of him. If you get the chance, listen to the mp3 of the Q & A (in addition to Matt's sessions, of course!). Piper was in rare form. Matt was simply giddy.

A picture of the Q & A...thanks to Scott Thomas of A29. Yes, Mark and Matt are giving each other dap.

I entitled this picture "All we need is Luke now." Get it??

The rest of the crew (minus prego Natalie who needed some much needed rest) rode the monorail to the Space Needle. Revelation #1: monorails have drivers...I thought they just ran on computers. Revelation #2: monorail drivers have poor senses of humor. Case in point: Josh tried the ol' "I bet this thing corners on rails" joke...went over like a lead balloon.

photo courtesy of Wikipedia

The Space Needle was spectacular. Although, I got motion-sickness! I guess there's subtle movement being up that high. I felt dizzy and a million pounds. So weird.

I know I keep promising this but...I should be getting a cd from Michael with our pictures. Soon, my friends.

The Saga Continues

2008-02-28T20:24:00.004-06:00

Day 3

The Biking Experience. As I mentioned before, we had incredible, atypical Seattle weather...arid with cloudless skies. The climate set the stage for an enjoyable bike ride near the University of Washington campus. There were only two accidents. It was a pretty good percentage for 8 of us, except that both accidents happened to one person (who will remain nameless). Let me just say it wasn't me.

Since there were so many of us, we were somewhat of a force on the bike trail. We decided to give our bike gang a name: Cobra Chi. Our hand sign was holding two fingers curved like fangs while we made a hissing sound. Truly intimidating.

At the end of our bike ride, I tried to craftily edge my bike through the other bicycles propped up in front of the shop. I misjudged the distance between my bike and the handlebars of another; the knuckle on my right ring finger paid the price. Ouch. While we waited for our bikes to be inventoried, we took some pictures of us making our Cobra Chi hand signs and other goofy shots. As we're all standing around talking, Michael/Josh/one of the guys with us pointed at me and said, "You're bleeding!"

To give you a full picture of what was going on in my head, Aunt Flo had just showed up earlier that day.

So when I heard the words "You're bleeding!", I froze. Surely my nightmare had not come true.

Thankfully, it was just my knuckle profusely bleeding from where I had scraped it on the other bike's handlebars. Whew. That was close.

That night we ate at the Flying Fish. Delectable. The Raspberry Cosmo wasn't that bad either. Heather, my sister-in-law, described it perfectly: it tasted like a melted Starburst.

That's all I can muscle in for tonight. I'm going to lounge with my hubby. I'm so glad he's finally home. G'night.

Insert Pictures Here

2008-02-27T20:37:00.004-06:00

Welp. No pictures. Yet. At least not ones that our group has taken. The Bleeckers toted the lone camera for our crew so I'm awaiting their uploadage. I'll give a rundown, you insert the pictures. For now.

Day 1

We arrived at Sea-Tac 2 p.m.-ish PST, hooked up with Hertz and then made our merry way to downtown Seattle in a stylin' and profilin' mini-van. Matt drove, I navigated. My job was made super-simple thanks to the wonderful, thoughtful Hertz NeverLost. Nirva, as I have renamed her (short for NirvaLost), and I get along pretty well. I only yelled at her once.

NirvaLost

What's the first thing you do in downtown Seattle? Head down to Pike Place Market. We perused trinkets, homemade oils and the token wolf painting vendor. Smells of freshly fried donuts rolled in powdered sugar beckoned our taste buds. Our eyes overloaded on the opulent visual textures of ripe ruby apples, grapes the size of silver dollars, oranges dimpled to perfection and flowers feathered into a flawless rainbow. Who knew a fruit and vegetable stand could be so stunning?

Our view was disrupted by a scruffy man in bright orange wading trousers peddling fish to any passer-by. We had happened upon the "flinging fish" stand. This is when I started to feel picked on. There was the strange looking fish hanging upside down, resting across the ice. It looked terrifying. Sharp teeth...almost like a bat but a fish. Except that it's called a monk fish (I found the picture below online. It looks like it's actually from the same flinging fish stand).

So imagine sticking your face precariously close to that thing so that your over-zealous sister-in-law can take a ridiculous picture of you with it. And then....it moves!!! They had rigged the frickin' thing with fishing wire so they could send people near it into cardiac arrest!

Then...

They start doing the flinging the fish thing. They're yelling something...throwing the fish to each other...but then the guy behind the counter throwing the fish to the guy standing right by us misses by a long shot. The slimy thing comes straight for Heather (my sister-in-law), Faith (Bleecker) and me! We scream. Or, at least I do (Michael got a picture of that...so insert picture here).

But, alas, it was only a stupid pillow in the shape of a fish. Picked on, I tell ya.

Down the way, we found a little spot to grub. The Athenian Inn.

Can you guess the celebrity who once dined here while making a film?? Hint: Insomnia in the Northwest.

That was our Lunner, as we all lovingly called it...lunch + dinner = lunner. We actually had a few of those this weekend. My waistband grew mysteriously tighter.

Dinner unfolded at The Pink Door with paintings of French clowns and monkeys. It tasted nothing like French clowns and monkeys though. It was quite good.

Still with me? It's okay if you're not. You might want to take this in chapters. I'll understand.

Day 2

Breakfast at Le Panier. Delish! Real-deal croissants and other pastries I struggled to pronounce. We took the ferry to Bainbridge Island and were delightfully surprised by a quaint wine-tasting room on the island amidst boutiques and a pizza joint. We met the wine-maker of Eleven and enjoyed the fruit of his labor. I especially loved the Malbec.

Dinner was with friends at Palisade. Talk about a perfect view of Seattle! Palisade is northwest of downtown on the water. Sunset is breathtaking. Which, by the way, we saw every evening we were there. The craziest thing happened: it never rained nor was it overcast. Amazing.

Day 3 & 4 will have to wait. I'm tired and I'm pretty sure most of you are bored! Have a wonderful night. Until next time...

My Honey...

2008-02-26T15:51:00.003-06:00

...is preaching in Seattle at The Resurgence Conference. You can watch him and others (Mark Driscoll and John Piper) online here. Matt will preach at 6:15 p.m. Central/4:15 p.m. Pacific. There will be a Q & A with all of the conference speakers at 11 p.m. Central/9 p.m. Pacific tonight.

So....

2008-02-19T20:47:00.005-06:00

I am blogging under compulsion not inspiration, so prepare yourself for tangents and ramblings.

The day after tomorrow (that would be Thursday) Matt and I are flying out with some friends to the Great Northwest. There will be lots of fine dining and laughing. Matt's favorite beer makes its home in Washington state....Mac & Jack's African Amber. He can't wait.

I can't wait to sleep in, hang out with friends and eat really well. And when I say "eat really well"...I don't mean healthy...I mean savory, probably-negated-any-working-out-I-may-have-recently-done. Yay.

In other news, I've been swimming. My friend Barkley is a fantastic, could-have-gone-to-the-Olympics swimmer. She's my new swimming coach. I even bought a swim cap. I look totally hot in it...with my bulging goggle-eyes. Freestyle, I think I've got down; breaststroke, not so much. But, I have great aspirations of finishing a 50m breaststroke without gulping half of the water in the pool.

Two excruciating words: strength and training. Strength training class has kicked my tush (and man, do I feel it exactly in that area)! Last week, I could finally walk down the stairs one foot after the other without grunting or gasping in pain on Friday. The class was Monday. The instructor's favorite saying: "Do you want results six months from now or tomorrow???" In the moment, I would be happy to get results thirty-six months later.

Last tid-bit: we're looking into co-op homeschooling for Audrey. Never thought I would be up for it, but the Lord is slowly but surely changing my heart. The little girl who made her younger brother endure homemade worksheets and lectures is starting to reemerge.

That's all, folks. Pictures of our trip should follow.

Audrey's 5th Birthday Party

2008-02-05T21:01:00.001-06:00

On Sunday evening, Audrey celebrated her 5th birthday with a few friends and family. Her birthday isn't actually until Wednesday the 6th, but we couldn't help but have fun a little early. Here are some snapshots of the night...

Happy Birthday, Boo!

I Am An Angry Person

2008-01-24T14:39:00.001-06:00

"That just frustrates me."

"I'm just irritated."

"They disappointed me."

"It's just that time of the month."

"I'm just being hormonal."

"She just knows how to press my buttons."

"If she would obey the first time, I wouldn't have to raise my voice to get the point across."

"He just rubs me the wrong way."

"That just hurt my feelings."

Oh my, how many times I have uttered those phrases. Too many to count. I always thought they were legitimate claims. But, I'm learning they're cop-outs.

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder (according to Jesus in Matthew 5:21 that is the same as being angry in your heart toward someone). You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." James 4:1 - 3

All of the statements I listed above are just expressions of my dislike for not being the center of the world. I'm frustrated, irritated, disappointed, irritable, rubbed the wrong way and hurt because things don't go MY way. It all boils down to that. I get angry because I don't get what I want.

Can I say that it is a hard thing to admit that I am an angry person?? It sounds so...harsh. But, man, it's true. Thankfully, the text goes on to say...

"But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you. Do not speak evil against one another brothers. The one who speaks evil against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?" James 4:6 - 12

Lord, thank you for your grace...your beautiful, scandalous grace...the grace that covers my sin...the grace that forgives...the grace that exposes my broken and deceitful heart...the grace that enables me to repent and draw near to you...the grace that enlarges my heart to love and serve others instead of wanting to only be loved and served by others. Thank you for the wonderful cross by which all of this is possible.